Every year there is a cliche pop culture Halloween costume.
In 2007, it was Paris Hilton in prison. In 2008, it was Sarah Palin. In 2009, it was Kate Gosselin and company. In 2010, Jersey Shore-style Bumpits and bogus tans were The Situation. In 2011, tiger's-blood-swilling high priest Vatican warlock assassins were "Winning!" thanks to Charlie Sheen. In 2012 we "redneckognized" a lot of Halloweeners going as the Here Comes Honey Boo Boo bunch. In 2013, lots of trick-or-treaters were getting their ducks in a row to be the camouflage-clad, bushy-bearded good ol' boys of A&E's Duck Dynasty. In 2014, Frozen was cool and no one could "Let It Go." Last year it was a tacky tie, between the Caitlyn Jenner ensemble, complete with Vanity Fair-esque bustier, and the Killer Dentist costume, complete with a blood-stained jacket, and Cecil the Lion's head.
This year the cliche costume is clowns, thanks to all the creepy supposed sightings around the country. That is, if people can even find such a costume. Target announced last week that it was banishing bozos this year. Said spokesman Joshua Thomas in a statement: "Given the current environment, we have made the decision to remove a variety of clown masks from our assortment, both in stores and online."
We at Spin Cycle think we can do better. Oh, wait, Halloween is on a Monday? We think we'll be doing the sofa samba with Dancing With the Stars. But we think you can do better.
Here are some other ideas:
What you need: Goggles, a Speedo, silver hair, medals and lies -- er, over-exaggerations -- for everyone you see.
Who you are: Olympic swimmer Ryan Lochte. Extra credit if you find a Playboy model to bring as a date. Ryan just got engaged to his girlfriend of 10 months, Playmate Kayla Rae Reid. Wait, but he said he was single when he was in Rio this summer! Just another "over-exaggeration."
What you need: A pair of glasses. To show up and then mysteriously disappear from the party.
Who you are: Barb from Netflix thriller phenomenon Stranger Things. Extra credit: Never appear anywhere again. (Seriously, where did Barb go?!)
What you need: Tight olive suit with split pants, mustache, glasses and a copy of Politics for Dummies.
Who you are: Undecided voter Ken Bone right before the wardrobe malfunction caused him to don the signature red sweater and khakis that made him a hit at the second presidential debate. We'd say just buy a red sweater, but make no Bone about it, it's sold out everywhere.
What you need: An all-green outfit. A leafy hat/headband. A bored, sad expression.
Who you are: Vegan, dairy-free, gluten-free organic kale.
What you need: A box big enough to wear on your head with a lock on it and a door cut out for your face.
Who you are: Locker room talk.
What you need: To show up with a date and totally ignore each other.
Who you are: Pick a split celebrity couple: Tom Hiddleston and Taylor Swift; Liev Schreiber and Naomi Watts; Johnny Depp and Amber Heard; Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie (extra credit: bring six dolls).
What you need: Matches. A lighter. Fireworks. Sparklers. Fire batons.
Who you are: A highly flammable Samsung Galaxy Note 7. Extra credit: When it's time to leave the party, have someone "recall" you.
What you need: A Chewbacca mask, maniacal laughter all the way to the bank.
Who you are: Candace Payne, better known as Chewbacca Mom. This costume is sure to leave fellow partygoers rawrr-ing!
What you need: To just stay home in your bathroom and avoid the scary outside world. With social media off. And the doors locked. And the alarm on.
Who you are: A post-Paris robbery Kim Kardashian.
Eeeeeek-mail:
Spin Cycle is a smirk at pop culture. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30 to 9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 10/23/2016