COMMENTARY

Holidays hectic with a capital heck

Three celebrations in five weeks can stress a cat

There's nothing more cranky than a hungry cat, unless it's a stressed cat.

Leave it to the human subspecies to cram three major holidays into five weeks. Thanksgiving gets it all started this week. We take time to reflect on our blessings, then eat. For that I am thankful.

Why squeeze all the holiday cheer into a few weeks? I can hear the Einstein now who came up with this flash of brilliance.

"Hey, I've got it. First we'll have Thanksgiving. Two days of delicious food and football galore.

"Then, before the dishes are dry, it's time to plan Christmas. Then -- ta-dah! -- one week later we'll celebrate New Year's."

Then, nothing until Memorial Day.

The holidays can be hectic with a capital heck. We cats would never cram three big-time holidays into two pages of the calendar. If that isn't enough stress, the cat butler drags a tree into the house and hangs shiny stuff on every branch. Then, get this, I'm expected to leave it alone. By New Year's, I'm ready for the kitty Prozac.

I, Boat Dock, will testify that each of the holidays has something nice going for it. Thanksgiving has all those fabulous aromas floating out of the kitchen. There's football from morning to night, and I love a good game. It's quality time for the cat butler and me. I've got my own rocker, he's got his.

The CB tries to be nice and opens a tin of Friskies for me, but I don't do canned.

I love Christmas, no matter how close it is to Thanksgiving. I love the presents under our Charlie Brown tree. There are extra belly rubs and catnip for me. My manservant cuts a few fresh sprigs of 'nip from my catnip plant outside in the garden. It stays leafy for most of the winter.

Then there's New Year's. That could be my favorite. My two-legged takes a shine to going fishing or hunting this first day of the year.

That gets him out of the house. I get a chance to sleep off some holiday stress with a power nap. There are New Year's bowl games galore. We eat terrific football snacks and nobody has to buy any presents. Now there's a holiday.

Me being Mr. Friendly Cat, I love all of the holiday company. Every December, a parade of cat butlers and maids comes to visit. Only one problem. One of the butlers always parks his hiney in my rocker. What's a tom cat to do? Scent mark the intruder, that's what. A little nuzzling on their ankles and they're mine. Trouble is, my manservant goes bananas, like I'm some dog slobbering all over our guests.

"Boat Dock, quit !" he bellows. Next I get clean-and-jerked into the air like it's the cat Olympics and booted out the door. Oh, he will pay.

So let's live it up for the next few weeks and be thankful, merry and welcome another year. Come Jan. 2, I'll find a nice sunny windowsill and curl up until Memorial Day.

Boat Dock is feline outdoors columnist for the Northwest Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. His column appears when he feels like writing one. Write to Boat Dock on his Facebook page.

Sports on 11/22/2016

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