One of my most prized possessions, a "run back into the burning house to retrieve" item, is a picture of my granddaughter.
OK, let's not kid ourselves; it's not the only picture of my granddaughter. I mean, she's the first grandkid, so she's been photographed more times than the Kardashians. At least clothed.
But this particular picture, well, it's a special holiday memory for me. This one features the Little Princess being held by a person dressed as a large rabbit, complete with big floppy ears and whiskers. My granddaughter is dressed as a lamb. The rabbit is smiling in a glassy-eyed, big cartoon head way. My granddaughter is flipping her ... well, you get the idea.
According to the prophet Isaiah, at some point, the wolf is going to dwell with the lamb. Which appears a lot more likely than that particular lamb having anything to do with a certain six-foot rabbit.
Now, the rabbit shouldn't feel too bad. As holiday-themed mythical beings go, he's in good company. The Little Princess has been around for three whole years, and in the first two, holiday pictures of her with Santa make it seem likely the Jolly Old Elf in question deserves combat pay. Or earplugs.
In the third, she's at least tolerating the experience. Perhaps she's matured. Perhaps she understands how important these pictures are in marking the passage of time. Perhaps, thanks to Photoshopping, we can't see that her mother is sitting right next to Santa on the old Christmas throne.
Well, at least someone got to tell Santa what she wanted for Christmas. I mean, my kids may have outgrown the whole "reindeer, chimney" thing, but you never know if you don't ask.
Of course, my granddaughter isn't the only member of my family to be less than enthusiastic about participating in animal-themed photography.
As a child, my oldest son was a little skittish around animals. Or fireworks. Or, frankly anything, a fact we as his mother and father were amazingly able to overlook when it came to getting Easter pictures taken. It seems a local photographer featured shots of kids posing with a lamb and a rabbit. And we, as young(er) parents, thought, "what could possibly go wrong with trapping a small, slightly phobic child in a room full of animals?"
This was just a little bit before we thought "what could go wrong with installing a zip line from the top of a 15-foot high play yard?" Or "what could go wrong with letting the kids shoot off the mortar-style fireworks?"
Ever wonder how your now-grown kids made it to adulthood? Yeah, I don' know, either.
Needless to say, we've got some pretty interesting photos from that holiday. In the picture, his older sister is lovingly hugging a very tolerant sheep around the neck. Our oldest son, on the other hand, while instructed to feed the rabbit, appears to be holding off the bunny with a carrot.
Perhaps I let him watch "Monty Python and the Holy Grail," complete with the Killer Rabbit of Caerbannog, a little too early? One more case of potentially irresponsible parenting ...
And speaking of parenting, what is it about parents that make it an imperative that they photograph even the least animal-centric children with all manner of wildlife?
Somewhere there's a picture of me wearing a fake cowboy hat and sitting on a pony that couldn't have been less interested in the whole deal if he were stuffed like Trigger. I, of course, was terrified.
One of our good friends from Fort Smith has a picture of him giving his new baby duckling a big squeeze. Which would have been a lot cuter if it weren't also Exhibit A in a duckling-acide. And proof you can love something too much. Or, at least, too vigorously.
Strangely enough, the family cat and dog never seemed to want to have much to do with him.
Of course, the great thing about America is that, whatever dumb thing you've done, there is always someone out there who can top it.
Right now, a lady in Florida is fighting to continue to allow her pet, Rambo, to remain in her home. She says Rambo is family-friendly, loves to wear costumes and pose for pictures. In fact, she says Rambo has even taken pictures with newborn babies.
Rambo is a six-foot alligator.
You know, that zip line? It's beginning to look better and better. And it wasn't really that bad until the sudden stop at the end.
Commentary on 03/25/2016