I took two semesters of Spanish in high school, mostly because I thought I had to. Turns out the "broma" was on me, since my college didn't actually require a foreign language to gain admission. Which would have been nice to know before I was conjugating verb tenses without knowing what words I was conjugating or, frankly, what conjugating was.
With that in mind, let me sum up the grand total of all the Spanish I recall: "El toro es grande."
That means, as far as I can tell, "the bull is big." Not sure why that stuck with me, but I'm positive anyone who knows me would consider that appropriate.
Needless to say, my one attempt at learning Spanish was something of a "fallo epico," since I didn't even retain enough to negotiate the drive-through menu at a Taco Bell. Unless, I guess, they now feature large bovines. However, I have learned some interesting facts about languages from some people who would actually know.
According to these folks, it's really difficult for Westerners to learn Mandarin because the same word may have a different meaning depending on the tone with which you say it. Literally, a case of it not being what you say, but how you say it that counts.
Apparently, if you want to learn an Eastern language, Indonesian is the way to go. For one, you'll have about 250 million new friends. And for another, the plural of many of their words is, basically, just saying the word twice. So "child" is "anak," while "children" is "anak-anak." Followed by, "who's there?" Which is not true. But should be.
Normally this is just the sort of thing that makes me the Muhammad Ali of Trivial Pursuit (born Cassius Clay in Louisville, Ky., took up boxing because someone stole his bicycle and a policeman told him if he was going to fight the thief he needed to learn to box. Boom.) and doesn't get me any closer to finding out where the bathroom is in Jakarta. But it did strike me that language is kind of a funny thing. There are so many of them I don't speak. And it's possible I may not even understand, or help others try to understand, the one I do.
The other day. I read one of the business magazines I get (hey, "Sports Illustrated" hadn't shown up yet) and came across this gem from a man whose company is trying to start a Netflix-like service for television shows.
According to the gentleman in question, television-watching, or, as he put it, "the dominant use for TV" is "lean-back, linear viewing," and his company knows this because "when you actually survey what's happening in the space, we think that is being neglected."
That is insightful. And I couldn't have understood it less if he's said it in Indonesian. Twice.
However, I am going to take a swing here. I think what he means is people pretty much like to kick back on the sofa and binge-watch their favorite shows. But if you're trying to get people to pay to catch old episodes of "Cheers" back-to-back, you have to say they're "leaning back" and being "linear." Makes them feel better while Cliff explains how brain cells are like a herd of buffalo.
And it is gratifying to know there is at least one person in America who thinks TV watching is being neglected.
I sort of feel this gentleman's pain. I have been known to fall back on "corporate speak" to a degree that may render what I'm saying completely unintelligible to my family. At least that's what I'm going to blame.
I have referred to report cards as "evaluations," and have commented that while there appears to be some "development needed" in math, overall the progeny in question was a "solid performer."
I've trained myself to hear the words "lean in" and not automatically think "lean out, lean in and you shake it all about." Though I'm sure lots of folks in staff meetings wonder where that humming is coming from.
I have referred to mishaps as "opportunities." A note here: Setting fire to the back yard while shooting off celebratory fireworks is not an "opportunity." It is a disaster. And it leads to the evaluation that there was some "development needed" in the "not being an idiot" competency. The Lovely Mrs. Smith can be a tough grader.
All of which leads me to believe that maybe, just maybe, I might want to consider checking work talk at the door when I come home at night. And even at work I might want to consider speaking, you know, actual English. Not so much "leaning into a space" and more communicating ideas.
After all, just because it makes sense to me doesn't mean it makes sense. Another something the Lovely Mrs. Smith has pointed out a time or 300.
And if that doesn't work, I can always fall back on the language of a certain Southeast Asian country. Because the correct response to "anak-anak" is "orange." As in, "orange you glad I'm out of bad puns about Indonesian?"
Commentary on 01/22/2016