Looks like, if things all worked out the way they were supposed to, the new rear is upon us. In the past, I've taken this opportunity to provide helpful guides to a seasonal tradition, the making of New Year's resolutions (because telling other people how they could act better is what we're all best at.).
This year, I'm taking a different tack. Instead of telling people what they should do, I'm going to suggest things we could not do. Or, at least not talk about quite so much. So, in the spirit of love, hope and a desire for all of us to just get along, these are the things I'm hoping we can all just knock off going on and on about. Consider yourself a better person already.
[small bullet] Either "declaring war" or declaring "war has been declared" on something -- While I have never actually been involved in a war, I've got to think it's a pretty rough deal full of really bad things happening to people, many of whom may not actually even deserve them. With that in mind, I would suggest, respectfully, that someone saying "happy holidays" instead of whatever salutation you prefer doesn't exactly rise to the level of bombing Pearl Harbor.
So, while people may have conflicting (and perhaps just plain goofy) ideas about the holidays, numerous amendments to the Constitution, concepts surrounding long-held social norms and practices or any of a host of ideas across the political spectrum, we'd probably all be better served if we'd dial it down off 11 and decide we may disagree with, but are probably not at war with our fellow citizens.
In other words, let's declare war on declaring war. Or something like that.
[small bullet] Comparing anyone with an opposing viewpoint to Hitler -- Again, I didn't personally experience World War II, but I've spent enough time watching the History Channel (or, as a dear friend of ours calls it, "The Hitler Channel") to determine Hitler was a horrid, evil person directly responsible for the enslavement and murder of millions. His defeat was one of the brightest of bright spots in the human saga, and we should daily thank those remaining brave men and women who made it possible.
With that in mind, someone may be a buffoon, a blowhard, an idiot with apparently no working knowledge of the guiding principles of this nation and a person who espouses ideas that, in the cold light of democratic reasoning, will obviously be deemed immoral, illegal and unconstitutional. But he or she probably won't be the Worst Person Ever. And it's not even close.
As signs waved at Jon Stewart's Rally to Restore Sanity said, "I disagree with you, but I'm pretty sure you're not Hitler."
Or, as a journalism professor of mine once said, "there's nothing worse than hyperbole!"
[small bullet] "Disruptive (in a good way) game-changers -- Apparently, the "in a good way" part makes whatever is being disruptive and game changing all hunky dory ok. Not like, say, tornados and people who talk out loud at movies.
Look, there have been lots and lots of disruptive, game-changing things in history. Cell phones? Disruptive game-changers. Personal computers? Disruptive game changers. Manned flight? Disruptive game changer. An app that allows you to put your family's faces on a bunch of dancing cartoon elves? Not a disruptive game changer. And, not all that funny the third or fourth time you see it.
[small bullet] Macaroons -- tiny French cookies which, on the amateur level at least, are harder to produce and slightly more expensive than cold fusion. They're fine (actually they're pretty good), but we may have reached Maximum Macaroon here. Folks, they're a portable dessert, not a religious experience. Try to control yourself.
[small bullet] "Artisinal" food -- See "macaroons. It's really cool that people are taking their craft seriously and looking to push the boundaries and all that (whatever that means), but a lot of it is inconsistent, way too involved and has as a key ingredient some kind of cheese made from animals you don't normally associate with cheese (Aardvark?). Nice you slaved over it and brought together an unusual combination of flavors in a disruptive, game-changing way (there it is again!), but at the end of the day, guess what? It's a hamburger.
[small bullet] Tea -- see "macaroons" and "artisanal food." I enjoy tea. I just thought it was like cats. In other words, I didn't know there were different kinds.
Apparently, the current trend would indicate that, as with a lot of things, I might just be wrong. Seems tea has been determined to possess all sorts of magical powers, from the ability to cure or prevent numerous diseases to bringing the imbiber calm clarity (not quite sure what that is, exactly. Which may be somewhat ironic), peace and fatter cattle (OK, I made that up. But it would be good if it did.). Some of this may be true. Some of it could be the Lapsang Souchong version of snake oil (not to be confused with Dragon's Well, which, apparently, actually is a kind of tea.). Whatever.
Here's what I know about tea: You make it (somehow. I don't know exactly. Boiling? Sounds about right.). You pour it in a glass with ice and lots of sugar. You drink it. Whatever happens next is between you and the tea, and is best kept to you two.
Want disruptive game changing? Skip the lemon. Mind officially blown.
[small bullet] Meditation -- see "macaroons," "artisanal food" and "tea." Apparently we would all be better, calmer and more productive if we just sat in a dark room for 10 minutes with our eyes closed, concentrating on our breathing. Apparently, in the new lexicon, this is called "being mindful." I call it "a nap." However, I am typically better off after one, so ...
So there you have them. My tips on the "nots" to go along with the many "to-dos" I'm sure you've written down and will blithely be ignoring in a few months. I know these are a lot to take in, so I suggest we all meditate on them. Try not to drool.
And please remember to have a happy New Year!
Commentary on 01/01/2016