Long before the astonishing 2016 began to run out of days, there was the astonishing 1916, and it was almost over, too.
Old News has lingered long in the archives of the 1916 Arkansas Gazette this year, reveling in reports of a world that is sorta like ours and sorta not. Before we say goodbye to all that and brace for the dreaded 1917, here are a few dust-bunnies I swept up while looking for something else.
I've been meaning to knit them into something evocative -- soft but deep, about the constants of human nature, the strange landscape of the past, the heartless wittiness of reporters. But profundity is out of my depth, so I hope you enjoy the fluff.
Who Wants a Baby?
"Miss Erle Chambers, county probation officer, is seeking a home for a baby girl of excellent parentage, and also for a boy of 13 who wants an education. Those who wish to adopt the children should call Miss Chambers, Main 6101."
Glass Bowl Trains Fleas Not to Jump
"A man who has been exhibiting a troupe of trained fleas at county fairs in England gives the following account of the first steps in the training:
"'The first thing to do is to break them of their natural habit of jumping. One can see how necessary this is when one considers the insect is less than one-eighth of an inch in length, with a jump of three feet, thus 300 times its own length. If a six-foot man had the same leaping power, he could make leaps of 1,700 feet, so that when a flea has the advantage of one leap he is as good as gone forever.
"'My apparatus for jump- breaking is a round glass ball. I confine him in this for three weeks. I look through this ball, touch it, flash lights into it, talk, do everything to let the flea accustom himself to my presence. At first he will jump and jump. He strikes against the curved walls and gets bruised. After a time, and I find three weeks to be ample, the flea gets to know me and he also gets to know that it is less painful to crawl than to jump and get bruised.
"'The flea cannot differentiate between transparent glass and no glass, so that when I take him from the ball he still fears this peculiar obstruction, and so doesn't jump. So you see, a flea must have some reasoning power somewhere, but I am in no position to say where it is situated. That is why I have to pick them up with tweezers and put them on my arm when I want to feed them. They don't dare jump on me.'"
Street Lights Aid in House Robberies
"Two residences, entered through windows directly under the glare of corner street lights, were robbed early last night. From the first, that of W.E. Snodgrass, 1512 Louisiana street, loot worth nearly $100 was taken, and from the second, that of F.J. Erhart, 1923 Broadway, probably $20 worth of valuables was carried away.
"An old rocking chair had been brought from the rear yard and placed under the second window on the south side of the Snodgrass house to aid the entrance of the burglar or burglars. This window is flooded with light from the arc streets so that anyone passing could easily have seen the intruders. ...
"Mr. Erhart said all windows and doors of his home except the window entered were locked securely. As this window is lighted by the arc light and faces so that it could be seen from Twentieth street, Mr. Erhart had not locked it."
Fleas Which Are Made to Earn Their Living
"'Jump the hoop, Max.'
"And at the command, Max jumped the hoop.
"Max is just a common, everyday flea, known to science as the pulex irritanus, the insect which, although without wings, gets there just the same, living on man without money and without price.
"John C. Ruhl, who follows the unusual occupation of flea training, brought his collection of trained fleas to the Gazette office last night and put them through their paces. He has fleas wearing paper dresses which dance when the music box plays; fleas that hang by their necks and juggle tiny balls with their feet; fleas that are harnessed to tiny wagons which they pull around a table; fleas with fine gold chains around their necks, and when Mr. Ruhl offered to give $100 to anyone who would undertake to hang a chain on a flea, without killing the flea, there were no takers.
"Mr. Ruhl addresses Pat, his Irish flea, in English, but has to talk German to his fleas of Teuton origin. When his fleas become hungry they are turned out to graze on the professor's arm, and they evidently get enough sustenance, as they are in good physical condition and willing workers.
"Ruhl is exhibiting his trained fleas at the Arcade building. His grandfather was a circus trainer and lost both his legs by being mangled by a lion. Then he took up flea training, and his son and grandson followed the same odd profession. Ruhl has fleas in the early stage of training and he says it takes two months to teach them to walk without hopping."
Argenta News
"One effect of prohibition is shown by the fact that only 534 arrests have been made by the police and constable's forces during the first six months of 1916. During the first six months of 1915 there were 1,964, nearly four times as many.
"Violations of the law have been so few since January 1 that early in the year it was possible to reduce by half the number of patrolmen employed."
Chicken Pockets for "Chickens" Latest Style
"Chicago, Dec. 18 -- Chicken pockets are to be the notable novelty in spring fashions. The decree was announced today at the closing session of the Chicago Designers' annual convention and the name of the new style is given because the pockets will be large enough to carry a live chicken if desired."
Overslept Daily So He Goes to Endless Sleep
"Because he overslept each morning and consequently had difficulty holding a position, William Van Noordwigh of Kalamazoo, Mich., killed himself. His body was found today in Lake Michigan. Dispatches from Kalamazoo said that he was despondent and had written a relative saying: 'There are plenty of jobs I can get in Chicago, but I oversleep every morning.'"
FINALLY
"One of the fleas staged an added stunt yesterday afternoon when a fly transgressed the arena of the circus. The flea was 'intelligently' doing his hopping stunt and it happened that the fly's movements placed him directly beneath the flea as he alighted after a hop. On the fly's back the flea rode during the crawl, then 'aviated' a few feet until the momentum of the fly's body shook him off.
"The escaped flea was recaptured."
Next week: New Year "Zip" All Gone, Says Waiter to Self
ActiveStyle on 12/26/2016