DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I often meet a good friend for lunch. We always split the tab, but I would like to pay for both of our lunches. For one thing, I have significantly more money than she has, and it would be my pleasure to treat her. And for another, I would prefer to go to somewhat nicer restaurants, places she can't really afford. But when I broached the subject of treating, my friend told me to keep my money. She said she doesn't want me to pay for her lunches, and I can tell she means it. Can you think of a way around this problem?
-- "Amy's" Friend
DEAR FRIEND: While your generous impulse is commendable, so is your friend's sense of self-respect, and you need to honor it. It would be different were Amy refusing your help in paying for, say, a needed medical procedure or for the tuition at a special school for her special-needs child. But you're talking about lunch. And for lunch, Amy doesn't need and clearly doesn't want a patron or a benefactor. What she wants is for you to continue being nothing other than her friend, and that's what you should be.
Obviously, this means passing on restaurants that stretch Amy's budget. But skipping upscale lunches strikes us as a small price to pay for the pleasure of the company of a good friend. Hey, even Bill Gates must have lunch at a food truck now and then.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My family, which includes a teenage son, pays a hefty monthly fee to belong to a very nice gym in our area. Well, I was at the gym recently when a middle-aged woman came in wearing a top that had sheer fabric in front. This woman was not wearing a bra, and her naked, double-D breasts were clearly visible. I told the manager I thought her clothing was inappropriate for a gym that advertises itself as family friendly, but he said there was nothing he could do because the gym doesn't have a written dress code. Was this guy nuts? Or am I the one who's crazy for thinking that, for what I pay, I shouldn't have to worry about what my adolescent son will make of a 50-year-old flaunting her breasts?
-- Dawn
DEAR DAWN: Sounds like Lululemon needs to include more than just washing instructions with its workout tops.
Seriously, the manager of your gym probably isn't nuts so much as lacking the judgment required to do the job -- or, perhaps, lacking the courage. It's difficult to blame him for not wanting to confront a middle-aged exhibitionist. But written dress code or no, it's this guy's responsibility to maintain the family friendly atmosphere the gym is promoting and you're paying for. So you're 100 percent right: He should be telling any inappropriately dressed member to layer up or leave.
Please email your questions about money, ethics and relationships to
Family on 12/21/2016