Kids, maybe your parents won't whisk you away to witness Drake and Future in concert. Or to bask in the brilliance of Justin Bieber and Beyonce. Or to watch Wiz Khalifa and that old dude (ahem, his name is Snoop Dogg -- sometimes Snoop Lion -- and he's not old, he's an OG or original gangster).
But fear not. This OJ -- original Jennifer -- is here to assure you that 20 to 25 years from now, you'll be making your own money, decisions and rules. And when that time comes, all those then-throwback acts needing to make a buck will join forces on one bill for your retro concert-going pleasure.
So it was with I Love the '90s tour that came to North Little Rock's Verizon Arena -- possibly in its Volkswagen Cabriolet convertible with a stuffed suction-cupped Garfield hanging on the window -- July 29 to the joy ("Pump it up, pump it up -- and pain") of anyone who ever sipped a Crystal Pepsi or Zima, memorized The Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme or wore a Rachel haircut.
Featuring Young MC, Tone Loc, Rob Base, Kid 'n Play, Salt-N-Pepa and Vanilla Ice, the hip-hop lineup was like the soundtrack to best-ever MTV's Spring Break (another event your parents wouldn't let you attend, only now you thank them).
Let's weigh the pros and cons of waiting later in life to see your favorite high school/college acts.
PROS
• You can drink.
Well, legally, this time. But then you'd have to keep running to the restroom.
• You can buy stuff.
Whatever concert merchandise you want to own -- a concert tee, a tank, a hoodie -- you can afford the $25 to $50. Only now you'd really rather spend it on things like wrinkle cream, hair dye, Botox that hide, not highlight, your age.
• Relive the concert chants.
How fun it is to again bellow: "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire! We don't need no water let the (mother-of-all-expletives) burn!" Until you remember your place in society as a mortgage-holding, insurance-paying citizen who now fears for the freshness of the batteries in her smoke detectors.
• It's just the hits.
Nobody's going to try and trot out new material, they're just going to play yesterday's favorites. But, those couple of songs run out fast and then artists get desperate. Vanilla Ice, when we say "Play That Funky Music," we really only mean "Ice Ice Baby," not Ginuwine's "Pony" or -- worse -- your "Ninja Rap" from Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: The Secret of the Ooze. Go ninja, go ninja, go ... home already.
CONS
• You can't remember the words.
You've been kind of busy the last two decades. You can't recall the lyrics past "I wanna rock right now/I'm Rob Base and I came to get down/I'm not internationally known/But I'm known to rock the microphone." But hey, neither can they. That's why they have hype men help out and they perform abbreviated versions of songs. Abbreviated versions mean you get to leave earlier. Hmm, maybe this should fall under Pros?
• They're old.
Young MC? Hardly. Still, out of shape and out of breath, Marvin Young did his best to "Bust a Move" (oh the sting of his "So come on, fatso, and just bust a move" lyrics now). We're positive he performed first so he could hit the early bird buffet and then bed. And we kind of wanted to join him.
• They're hot.
The only thing worse than acts aging poorly (like Tone Loc, who almost has no tone to his creaky voice) are acts aging entirely too well. Kid 'n Play, you still move like kids, no playin'. And darn you Sandra "Pepa" Denton for looking so terrific and toned at age 46! Your expert, energetic set with Cheryl "Salt" James and DJ Spinderella makes me want to "Push It" -- in which "it" is my jiggy rear -- back to the gym.
• They're weird.
These days, Vanilla Ice is better known for remodeling than rapping as the star of his DIY Network show, The Vanilla Ice Project. So why was his scary stage (complete with a spooky skeleton and freaky inflatables) so low-budget and poorly designed that one of his blow-up beasts fell during his short set? And what was with that disturbing clown dumping water on people? I'm sure the soaking-wet victims in the front row were really feeling your lyrics: "Ice ice baby, too cold, too cold!"
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Spin Cycle is a smirk at pop culture. You can hear Jennifer on Little Rock's KURB-FM, B98.5 (B98.com), from 5:30-9 a.m. Monday through Friday.
Style on 08/07/2016