I saw the other day that the record for the largest number of human mattress dominoes had, literally, fallen. Didn't even know there was such a thing, and now, not only do I know it exists, I know that the breaking of the record signifies a group of people has done it twice.
Apparently, the good people of Aaron's Inc. are the proud owners of the new world mark of 1,200 people/mattresses set at their managers conference in Maryland on March 22. Since this is a world record, I'm assuming all the national, state and local records still stand, of course. Because the fact that they don't have the world record shouldn't diminish the other human dominoes' accomplishments.
Also, while we're celebrating the folks of Aaron's, let's not forget the mattresses' critical role in this. Without the mattresses, this would just be a bunch of people falling down. And that would look silly.
I mention this because, well, isn't this just the sort of thing I'd find interesting? I mean, really. Human dominoes, toppling mattresses. That sort of stuff is just the gift that keeps on giving.
Now, not to cheapen the accomplishment, but I do have to interject here that, well, frankly, at first blush this one doesn't really seem to me to require the sort of effort one would normally associate with the term "world record."
It took years of training for Usain Bolt to run the 100 meters in 9.58 seconds. It took an entire team and months of prep and practice for David Springbett to fly around the world in 44 hours, six minutes. To set the world record for human mattress dominoes, it took 1,200 rental store managers falling backward into each other.
I mean, without the mattresses, it would be just like my prom.
You'd also think most records should require at least a slight hint of concern as to whether the feat would get pulled off. There should be at least a tiny element of chance here, a bit of "will they, won't they?" to generate some suspense.
It would seem the only requirements for setting the human domino mattress record are a really big room, 1,200 mattresses and the attendant number of people willing to, you know, fall backwards.
Of course I suppose there's always the possibility of a troublemaker who would wait patiently until the line of cascading mattresses got right up to him and then grab his Posturepedic, jump to the side and yell "psych!"
On the other hand, I would assume there existed plenty of security, armed with Tasers and willing to point out to Mr. or Mrs. Fun Guy that, one way or the other, they were going backwards on that mattress, and that we could do it the easy way or the electrically charged way. Up to them.
And while this may sound silly, apparently it was serious enough that someone from the Guinness Book of World Records was on hand to certify that the required number of human/mattress combos did, in fact, topple. Because it wouldn't do for them to be a mattress or two short, or for the guy in the front to just run around to the end really fast to make it look like they'd gotten to 1,200 when it reality it was only 1,199.
A bit of trivia here: The Guinness Book of World Records started in 1951 when, while hunting in Ireland, the managing director of Guinness Breweries and his friends got into an argument over what was the fastest European game bird and couldn't come up with a source to settle the dispute. Because that's just the sort thing guys argue about.
Anyway, the director realized there were probably similar arguments in bars all over Ireland (the "were probably" part of that makes me wonder if he had actually ever been in a bar in Ireland, or anywhere else in the world.), so he put together a team to compile all the world's records in one book.
Obviously this happened in Ireland and not the U.S., because over here, armed guys in bars know how to settle disputes without some namby pamby book or nothin'. Merica.
Now I imagine some of you are thinking, why, with all the serious, important, terrible things in the world are you writing about human domino mattress records. To which I say, a) have you never read my column before?, and b) because there are all these serious, terrible things in the world, so every now and then, it's good to think about someone no more important than a bunch of people falling backward into a little bit of immortality.
By the way, Aaron's donated all the mattresses used in the record-setting event to charities in the Washington, D.C., area, including a youth homeless shelter. Which, frankly, is pretty cool. Well played, Aaron's.
And the fasted game bird in Europe is the Golden Plover. One more thing I didn't know even existed.
Commentary on 04/22/2016