In hot water

Surprise at home brings flood of emotions

For the record, I like water.

Water in lakes, water in springs, water in a glass, water mixed with coffee beans or beverages with a little bit more of a return on investment. I don't care for tsunamis or monsoons, but I'm definitely against drought, so, to that degree, I'm more of a centrist. But in general, I'm a big fan of water.

Of course, that's when water knows its place. When it doesn't ...

We've lived in our house for about 10 years, making it the place the Lovely Mrs. Smith and I have resided in the longest during our marriage. Since I kind of like the place, that's is a good thing. Except, 10 years is sort of the witching hour for houses.

One important point: Thanks to the Lovely Mrs. Smith's general job-related proclivities and her inability to, basically, leave well enough alone, the house, in many ways, looks much different than when we first moved in.

Again, this is somewhat expected, given this place tends to be smack dab at the intersection of her job and her passion. As with most of our houses, I've grown accustomed to a certain amount of flexibility wherever we live. Some people come home to scaffolding and think "disaster." I think "carryout."

Up until about the 10-year mark, just about anything we did was, for the most part, planned. Even if the plan consisted of, "I was walking through a paint store and decided the bathroom needed to be pink/blue/striped/redone completely." OK, so not exactly the same amount of thought that went into D-Day, but at least a somewhat conscious uncoupling of us and the odd bonus.

However, at about 10 years, the Appliance Piper starts wanting to be paid. And, barring the exceptionally fortuitous lightening strike, guess who is writing the check?

Which brings us to last weekend. Or, as I've taken to calling it, the Great Indoor Flood of 2016.

It was a bright, sunny spring day that saw us picking up our granddaughter, the Little Princess, and taking her and our dogs, Dumb and Dumber, to the dog park. A note: guess which was actually in need of a leash?

We ran them all until they were about to drop, then took the one that doesn't live with us home (and no, she didn't manage to drink out of a dog bow, so at least one small victory) before returning to what we thought was the Lovely Smith Abode, later to be known as the Lovely Smith Water Garden.

Yep, when the garage door opens and water runs out to meet you, it's not a good sign.

According to Stoic philosophy, when faced with a difficult situation, we are advised to take a moment and think of all the ways it could actually be worse. This is supposed to make us feel better. It also explains why Greece and Rome don't run the world anymore, but that doesn't necessarily mean it's a bad idea.

I tried it. "OK, your water heater has blown up. However, your water heater could have blown and ... you've got leprosy. Nope. Still not worse. OK, so, blown-up water heater, leprosy and hail. Nope. How about ..."

Frankly, it's pretty bad when you get to "your house is on fire" and you still don't have a winner.

All right, so, maybe it wasn't the worst thing ever. I mean, now I can say I know what 10 big air dryers trying to get rid of all the water in your house sound like (think having your head trapped inside a jet engine while it's going through a car wash on the back of a gravel truck with bad mufflers. Then imagine it being louder and hotter.).

And I'm probably going to get to see just what my garage looks like with all of the furniture that was formerly in my downstairs in it. My guess is a cross between an evidence locker after a gas explosion and pictures from one of those underwater cameras they used to examine the Titanic.

Also, any conversation that includes the phrase, "it's only money" rarely also includes the phrase, "and I'm so glad I spent it."

But I do know that, at some point, all this will pass, my house will be back in order and I'll be sitting outside, enjoying the day and having a big glass of water.

OK, maybe not water. Not for a while, anyway.

Commentary on 04/15/2016

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