Retreat organized to quiet lies on womens' hearts

 Many women today feel like they are not enough, that they are second-class or have been dubbed "high maintenance," said Cari Kaufman, director of the local Strings Attached Ministries. The ministry offers the Captivating Heart women's retreat this weekend to help women connect with God and remove these binds from their hearts, she said.
Many women today feel like they are not enough, that they are second-class or have been dubbed "high maintenance," said Cari Kaufman, director of the local Strings Attached Ministries. The ministry offers the Captivating Heart women's retreat this weekend to help women connect with God and remove these binds from their hearts, she said.

A woman can be her own worst friend. She doubts herself, her appearance, her activities and her choices.

"Women, in general, feel like they are not enough -- not pretty enough, not smart enough, not fast enough ...," said Cari Kaufman. "But these are lies that just lay there and permeate a woman's existence.

Captivating Hearts

What: Women’s retreat

When: Friday to Oct. 18

Where: New Life Ranch, Colcord, Okla.

Cost: $179, includes meals

Sponsor: Strings Attached Ministries

Information: captivatingheart.com.

"At the end of the day, we have an enemy of the heart," she continued. "These are Satan's lies -- but they come from various mouths: men, other women and fathers.

"But it's not from God, and it's not about you."

Kaufman and her team from the local Strings Attached Ministries have organized Northwest Arkansas' fourth annual Captivating Heart women's retreat. The retreat runs from Friday to Oct. 18 at the New Life Ranch in Colcord, Okla.

The goal of the retreat is having God erase these lies from` a woman's heart, Kaufman said. "In addition to carrying their own sin, many women still feel the weight of Eve's -- the Original Sin -- and can't get rid of it. They feel second-class because of the fall of Eve," she said.

Kaufman's work as a personal coach is based on the book Captivating:Unveiling the Mystery of a Woman's Soul, written by Stasi and John Eldredge (Thomas Nelson, 2011).

"Every woman was once a little girl," reads a description of the book on amazon.com. "And every little girl holds in her heart her most precious dreams. She longs to be swept up into a romance, to play an irreplaceable role in a great adventure, to be the beauty of the story. Those desires are far more than child's play. They are the secret to the feminine heart.

"And yet? How many women do you know who ever find that life? As the years pass by, the heart of a woman gets pushed aside, wounded, buried."

The dimming of dreams can start early, Kaufman said. "So many women have really horrible stories of their fathers. These 'father wounds' are sustained by authority figures. For many, the men who shaped our views were our fathers.

"When I read the book, I thought it didn't apply to me," she continued. "My father was awesome!"

But, slowly, Kaufman realized the lie that held her and made her life difficult: She thought her father wished she had been born a boy.

"My father grew up with three brothers, and then he had three girls," Kaufman revealed. "I always thought my father wanted a son. I drew the conclusion as to what he wanted as a dad."

Judi Turner of Christview Ministries in Eureka Springs grew up with perfectionism required by her father, who was also a good father, involved and providing for the family, she said. But she always felt as if she was falling short.

And, now, the perfectionism has been passed down. "I tend to be a perfectionist, too," Turner said. "I'm very judgmental of myself.

"And I harshly thought God was like that," she admitted. "But God delivers us. He doesn't judge us as good and bad.

"Of course he cares about us. Of course he wants us to fulfill our potential. He's here to help us do that. The relationship is one of love -- the love of a child."

"I think we all live or 'agree to' lies in our lives," said Jamie Smith, who also works with Kaufman in the ministry. "This concept of living a lie is not the same as living a false lifestyle or something that is made up -- as we would think in the traditional sense. To me, it's speaking to the idea that we develop these inaccurate concepts of ourselves including our value and our identity. We then act based on those false ideas.

"I think this idea of not being enough is a common lie that we as people -- but especially women -- tend to buy in to," she continued. "I lived it out by often trying too hard to measure up and to make sure I proved my usefulness and worth.

"The idea of being 'enough' is that we are the right amount for what we need to be -- not too much or too little," Smith wrote in an email. "We often think of 'enough' as barely making the grade or barely meeting the standard. That's not what it means at all. In my life, it means filling the need of who I was meant to be. If I try to do something outside the plan God has for my life and outside of who I was created to be, then ultimately I'm not going to find that venture fulfilling."

NEW ATTITUDE

"We want to really focus on understanding who we are and how we were created in the image of God," Kaufman said.

"By understanding who I am in Christ -- understanding my true identity -- I've developed a clearer concept of who I am, and how I relate to God and those around me," Smith said.

"(After previous conferences), I feel I'm much better on understanding my strengths and recognizing that I have inherent value that doesn't need to be validated by outsiders. I also realize now that my value and identity is not in my job or my other roles in life. Instead my life roles fuel my identity, and my identity fuels how I choose to live out my roles."

Turner called it "captivating and finding our identity in Christ."

Sessions of the retreat are designed to help women start a conversation with God, to discover who they truly are. Breakout sessions will focus on silent reflection -- for which most busy women don't have time, Kaufman noted of her own life. "We will have various prayer stations with physical and mental activities to let us connect with God -- not just sit there and twiddle our thumbs when we finally do get that quiet time."

Other sessions will focus on prayer through dancing and art, which are found in ancient, divine readings. "These small passages are great for really letting us speak to and hear God," Turner added.

Kaufman hopes to provide a safe place for participants to approach God and start a conversation.

"Ask those questions to God -- Am I good enough? Am I captivating enough? Am I beautiful enough?" Kaufman said. "These questions are on all women's hearts. But there is really only one person who can answer."

NAN Religion on 10/10/2015

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