Otus the Head Cat

Pod People battle rogue scouts of humidity blitz

Dear Otus,

My husband and I stay anxious every summer until after the arrival of the humidity pods from the Gulf of Mexico.

We've been official pod spotters for 18 years and both of us are past presidents of the Grant County Pod People. With 103 members, we have the second largest pod watcher group in the state -- just behind the club at Bella Vista.

I've emailed you a photo I took Tuesday of my husband, Kenny, battling a rogue pod that attacked us near Prattsville. Kenny claims this is proof the pods will be here early this year. What can you tell us?

-- Faye Kennet,

Sheridan

Dear Faye,

It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you. And thank you for your service.

The Grant County Pod People were among the first to sign up many years ago to search for arriving humidity pods. GCPP remains on the front line of defense despite the advancement in technology that can now pinpoint a pod swarm arrival to within a few hours and with three days' warning.

The danger, as you well know from your recent experience, comes from rogue, or "scout" pods that scoot out days or weeks ahead of the swarm and are frequently ignored to the peril of those who don't treat them with respect.

Early? The pods have been known to arrive as early as the first week in May (1931) and as late as July 18 (1972). Their unpredictability is part of their myth and legend. What has most casual observers confused were the seven consecutive years (1997-2004) when the pods arrived over Memorial Day weekend and inundated Riverfest.

The lingering effects of 2005's Hurricane Katrina delayed the pods' arrival for several years. And some experts predict that the increase in greenhouse gases and global warming will eventually make the pods more volatile and unpredictable.

Once the pods congeal over the southern portion of Mexico's Bay of Campeche (or, as the locals call it, "Olla a Presion del Diablo"), the weather service sends up daily Pod Tracker C-130s.

Several satellites, including the recently launched DMSP-F18 multispectral, high-resolution imager, are then redirected to keep an eye on the undulating pod cluster, which can stretch from Campeche to Veracruz and slow traffic in Coatzacoalcos.

The Geostationary Operational Environmental Satellite System developed by NASA and NOAA means that once the pods begin to move, we'll have 80 hours' notice before they reach Little Rock.

However, that final 150-mile stretch north of Interstate 20 is where anything can happen. That's why the pod people are so important. It is folks such as yourself, Faye, who feed the latest eyes-on information to the U.S. Geological Survey's website at USGS.com.

That site is where local TV weatherpersons, such as KATV's veteran Todd "Pod Man" Yakoubian and KTHV's newly designated Facebook and pod blogger Sarah Fortner get their information.

According to American Meteorological Society assistant director Pedro Menendez, the 27-year-old Fortner was president of the all-blond, all-female pod club, Les Soeurs Fideles, at Florida State University and, thanks to her minors in communication, mathematics and physics, is uniquely positioned to keep the techno-savvy younger generation abreast of humidity pod developments.

Sadly, it's the young people we need to worry about. What with their texting and tweeting and living inside their ear buds, today's youth are woefully unprepared to deal with a serious Category 5 pod swarm should that occur.

The fact that Arkansas has not had a Cat 5 swarm since 2004 is no reason to let down our guard. In fact, as Kenny well knows, being lulled into a false sense of security makes the inevitable rogue pods all the more dangerous.

I'm running Kenny's photo with today's column so that newcomers to Arkansas can see that the only safe way to keep a rogue pod at bay is with a 10-foot pole. Kenney's two-minute self-defense video is on YouTube. Search for "Pod People."

Mature humidity pods can reach the size of a school bus, but even the small viscous ones have the ability to envelope children. Podlettes can smother pets. Forewarned is forearmed.

Until next time, Kalaka reminds you to keep a pole handy -- rogue pods can come at any time now. As a public service, Yakoubian is operating the Channel 7 "Pod Drone" over Riverfest (he's on the Junction Bridge) to keep an eye out.

Disclaimer

Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat's award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. Email:

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