The TV Column

SpongeBob movie is a nice summer diversion

SpongeBob and Patrick meet David Hasselhoff in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie airing Friday on Nickelodeon.
SpongeBob and Patrick meet David Hasselhoff in The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie airing Friday on Nickelodeon.

It's hot. It's nasty. You've seen all the reruns, and are desperate for something to watch on Friday night next to the air conditioner. What to do?

Time to go exploring and troll the higher, seldom-visited numbers in the channel listings.

I'll save you a little trouble. At 6 p.m. Friday on Nickelodeon you can indulge your inner geek and watch (or re-watch) 2004's The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie. You'll be glad you did.

The two-hour, PG-rated movie (actually 1:27:10 without commercials) is for all those who know the answer to "Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?" It's for all those who secretly wish they could visit Bikini Bottom and eat Krabby Patties at the Krusty Krab.

It's for those who believe the recently released The SpongeBob Movie: Sponge Out of Water went too far. I mean, seriously, how can we believe in a pirate named Burger-Beard? That's ridiculous.

SpongeBob SquarePants premiered on Nickelodeon in 1999 and has grown into a cult phenomenon over the years, popular with kiddies and adults alike. How popular? One estimate is that the SpongeBob franchise has generated $8 billion in merchandising revenue for Nickelodeon.

That's billion. With a B.

Not bad for a silly little anthropomorphic sea sponge who looks suspiciously like a square kitchen sponge you'd keep under the sink.

The TV episodes are entirely animated, so it's especially nifty that the movie begins with live action and later features SpongeBob and his BFF Patrick (a starfish) meeting David Hasselhoff (in a role he was born to play) in full Baywatch regalia on the beach.

The premise for the film is that King Neptune's crown has disappeared, and Mr. Krabs (Clancy Brown) has been accused of stealing it.

Let's back up.

Fry cook SpongeBob (the voice of Tom Kenny) has won Best Employee honors at the Krusty Krab 374 times and believes he is managerial material for the newest location of the Krusty Krab. He's positive that Mr. Krabs will give him the job.

Instead, the position goes to SpongeBob's curmudgeonly neighbor Squidward Tentacles (Rodger Bumpass). Mr. Krabs believes that SpongeBob is too immature for the job.

Meanwhile, Mr. Krabs' arch rival, Plankton (Doug Lawrence), is jealous that the Krusty Krab 2 is getting all the attention at the expense of his restaurant, the Chum Bucket.

Plankton resorts to devious deviousness and concocts a plan to steal the top-secret recipe for the popular Krabby Patty and steal King Neptune's (Jeffrey Tambor) crown and frame Mr. Krabs for the krime. I mean crime.

The plan is hatched and Neptune is furious.

Ignoring the advice of his daughter, Mindy the Mermaid (Scarlett Johansson -- yes, that Scarlett Johansson), Neptune demands that Mr. Krabs return the crown ... or else.

Swell fellow that he is, SpongeBob volunteers to help Mr. Krabs recover the crown and he and Patrick (Bill Fagerbakke) set out for treacherous Shell City in pursuit of the crown.

Can our plucky little yellow porifera save the day? Can he survive his encounter with The Hoff? Tune in to find out.

Obligatory aside: The last time I wrote about SpongeBob and neglected to inform readers about Bumpass' Arkansas ties, I received a friendly admonition from a publicity bigwig at Arkansas State University at Jonesboro for failing to mention their illustrious alumnus.

The Emmy-nominated Bumpass is not only the voice of Squidward, but several other SpongeBob characters as well. In the movie, Bumpass is also the voice of Fish No. 4. Of all the numbered fish, No. 4 stands out as the best.

Bumpass is a 1970 graduate of Little Rock Central High School and went on to ASU, where he majored in radio-TV and minored in theater.

He did some showbiz dues paying and wound up in Los Angeles in 1979, where he was soon in demand for his voice work and the occasional role in front of the camera. The rest is SpongeBob history.

Disney fun. If you're in the mood for more light fare, then record The Descendants at 7 p.m. Friday on The Disney Channel. It promises to be entertaining.

In the live action film, director Kenny Ortega (High School Musical trilogy) tells the tale of the teenage children of Disney's most infamous villains at prep school. Will they turn to the dark side too?

Kristin Chenoweth stars as Maleficent, and Dove Cameron (Liv and Maddie) plays her daughter, Mal. Sofia Carson (Austin & Ally) plays Evie, the daughter of the Evil Queen (Kathy Najimy); Cameron Boyce (Jessie) plays Carlos, Cruella de Vil's (Wendy Raquel Robinson) son; and Booboo Stewart (Good Luck Charlie) plays Jay, the son of Jafar (Maz Jobrani).

The TV Column appears Sunday, Tuesday and Thursday. Email:

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Weekend on 07/30/2015

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