Otus the Head Cat

Kids should watch TV, and the earlier the better

Learning life lessons from Timmy (Jon Provost) and Lassie was important for children in the 1950s and ’60s.
Learning life lessons from Timmy (Jon Provost) and Lassie was important for children in the 1950s and ’60s.

Dear Otus,

Am I being a bad mother by allowing our 4-year-old to watch TV? I mean, isn't SpongeBob educational? Sometimes I just need to take a break, but I don't want to warp him.

-- Kathryn Marie,

Little Rock

Dear Kathryn,

It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you. Short answer: No, you're not warping your child, although you'll get an argument from the American Academy of Pediatrics' supercilious do-gooders.

As an apropos example, I submit Owner, a child of television who turned out relatively OK.

I mean, he can read and write, knows which fork is for the salad, and is considered socially well-adjusted within generally accepted parameters. Other than his aberrant experiment roasting ants with a magnifying glass, he didn't really do anything "warped" when he was a kid.

In fact, I credit Owner's personal growth to Sky King, Roy Rogers, Rin Tin Tin and Winky-Dink and You.

You want educational? Look no further than the adventures of the star-headed cartoon lad named Winky-Dink and his dog, Woofer. The genius was that boys and girls at home were asked to help Winky-Dink out of a jam by drawing whatever Winky needed on a clear plastic sheet stuck over the TV screen.

That made Winky-Dink the world's first interactive video game way back in 1953 and an invaluable educational tool for young minds eager to learn.

I suggest you ignore the effetes from the AAP. I mean, they're just miffed over being called "baby doctors." This is the same outfit that changed its motto in 1994 from the traditional physician's "Primum est non nocere" to the snarky "Si hoc legere scis nimium eruditionis habes."

The AAP recommends that parents "minimize or eliminate" media exposure for children under the age of 2. I say it's better to begin media exposure in utero.

In a recent issue of Pediatrics magazine, the AAP said that evidence suggests screen viewing before age 2 has lasting negative effects on children's language development, reading skills, and short-term memory.

In what fairyland does AAP exist?

The AAP admits there has been no empirical evidence on how television affects children under 2, but bases its recommendation on "common sense," citing that toddlers should be getting "essential stimuli from interaction with care-givers, family members and parents."

Well, what the heck is television if not the perfect in loco parentis? The world's best mom can't coddle and coo her kids 24 hours a day. Where's the harm in plopping them down in front of Sesame Street or Curious George or Power Rangers Megaforce for a couple of hours?

In the afternoon when mommy needs a nap, there's Steve Wilkos and Jerry Springer. Those are very educational.

TV at age 4 is just fine. Owner started watching TV when he was 4 when his dad came back from Korean War duty and bought the family that first chunky Zenith. It was a magnificent learning tool squatting in the living room on sturdy wrought iron legs. I'm sure Owner would have started watching even sooner except Little Rock didn't have a TV station before that.

Some of Owner's fondest childhood memories are of Kukla, Fran and Ollie; Captain Kangaroo; Crusader Rabbit; Fury; and My Friend Flicka. He learned valuable life lessons from Watch Mr. Wizard; Sea Hunt; Superman (the one with George Reeves); and Little Rock native Gail Davis (Betty Jeanne Grayson) in Annie Oakley.

And what harm ever came from Owner's preschool fascination with everyone's surrogate mom, Miss Francis on Ding Dong School?

How about Romper Room with its Do-Bees and Don't-Bees? The Magic Mirror and "romper, bomper, stomper boo" is where Owner learned deportment until his folks shipped him off to Mrs. Butts and Junior Cotillion.

Finally, who can forget Lassie?

"Woof!"

"What's that, girl? You say Timmy [nobody remembers Jeff] has fallen in the well at the old abandoned mine and there's a danger of it caving in?"

"Woof! Woof!"

"What? And there's a cougar loose from the zoo headed that way?"

"Woof!"

"And there's a fire in the barn?"

"Woof!"

"Lead the way, girl, we'll follow."

So while the AAP may appear to have children's welfare at heart, there's just no denying the benefit of time spent with Curious George, Dora the Explorer and Dr. Phil. But not Dr. Oz. That guy's crazy.

Until next time, Kalaka reminds you that all eight Lassies and "her" assorted stunt doubles were male. That'll warp a kid when he finally finds out at age 14.

Disclaimer

Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat's award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. Email:

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