Money Manners

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My husband "Timothy" unexpectedly inherited a large amount of money when his parents were killed in a car crash. It would take us half our working lives to save up the amount he received, and I'm concerned that we invest it wisely. Timothy agrees, but he's convinced he can do the investing himself. Unfortunately, my otherwise wonderful husband is a fool when it comes to money. Not that he's a spendthrift; it's just that he has no judgment when someone starts pitching hot-sounding investments (if Bernie Madoff had a phone in prison, he could sell Timothy the Brooklyn Bridge). I'm horrified by the prospect of my husband responding to TV ads that push gold coins and commodity trading strategies or, worse yet, falling under the sway of an unscrupulous stockbroker who realizes he can sell Timothy anything as long as it sounds cool. What should I do? Timothy insists there is nothing to worry about.

-- Jessica

DEAR JESSICA: You think you're horrified? Our hair is standing on end. You need to respond to this situation the same way you would if Timothy had all the symptoms of a serious illness but refused to see a doctor, namely: You have to beg, plead and cajole him into getting help.

There are times in a marriage when a spouse gets to say, "I know you don't want to do this, but you have to do it for me." This is one of those moments. No matter how angry Timothy gets, you need to insist that the money he inherited be professionally managed. Bank trust departments, most mutual fund companies and plenty of financial planners are prepared to provide exactly the service you need. You should do whatever it takes to see that Timothy signs up for it.

It has been more than 400 years since an English poet observed that a "foole" and his "monie" are soon parted. He doesn't need to be proven right yet again.

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Every couple of weeks I have lunch with an old friend. Recently she lost her job, and I know she's having trouble finding a new one. Am I obligated to buy her lunch until she finds work?

-- Michelle

DEAR MICHELLE: It certainly wouldn't hurt to pick up the check at your next lunch. Your friend probably will appreciate the show of sympathy and support at least as much as the free meal. It is not, though, up to you to pay for all of the lunches the two of you share while she is unemployed. Instead, you should offer to go to less-expensive eating places or to brown-bag it, if that's what she'd prefer.

Picking up the tab every now and then would be nice as well. But in this situation, your obligation is to be sensitive to your friend's circumstances and to help her find work any way you can; it's not to systematically supplement her unemployment check.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). Email them at

[email protected]

Family on 07/01/2015

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