No-show?
Show me the money!
That is what parents in England (the country, not the Arkansas town) are demanding after a child failed to attend their son's birthday party.
According to The Plymouth Herald, the parents of 5-year-old Alex Nash confirmed that he would be attending Julie Lawrence's son's birthday party. After he did not appear, Alex was issued a "Childs Party No Show Fee" bill for £15.95 -- that's European for roughly $24. (Mr. Lawrence's first name was not given, nor was the birthday boy's.)
Twenty four dollars? I'm pretty sure my whole 5-year-old party cost less than that. But that's back when kiddie birthday parties meant a pinata, Pin the Tail on the Donkey and a Muppet cake in one's backyard.
The story gets stranger. The bill is official-looking, complete with an invoice number and the delivery address of Plymouth Ski Slope, the party site. Only the ski center didn't send it (a manager told the Herald, "We certainly don't send out invoices and we are unhappy that our name was used on the invoice.").
Electing not to deal with Alex's parents directly, the Lawrences drafted the invoice and had Alex's teacher serve the envelope to him.
Alex's father, Derek, who found the invoice in his son's bag, was quoted as saying he "thought it was a joke" and refuses to pay on principle. "I would have sympathised with her about the cost of Alex not showing up, but I just can't believe the way she has gone around it." Escalating the "row," the Lawrences have threatened a lawsuit.
Everyone in the social mediasphere, where the story has gone viral, seems to think the Lawrences have gone too far.
Except me. I think the Lawrences should go further. That's right! Show that no-show no mercy!
Only $24 for a breech of contract fee? What about pain and suffering?
Not only did Alex fail to show up, his family failed to call and give last-minute regrets? Neglect!
And we're guessing if Alex didn't bother to go to the party, he never gave a birthday present either. Loss of income!
And Alex not partaking in the birthday cake surely led to waste. Disposal fee!
As for the reason Alex chose to snub the Lawrence boy? As Derek's domestic partner, Tanya Walsh, told Julie Lawrence in a Facebook exchange the Herald made public: "The only reason Alex did not attend the party was because his nan and grandad were going away for Christmas and the only day the kids could go see them was on the same day as the party. ... On the day Alex decided that he wanted to spend time with his nan and grandad. He wanted to go see his grandparents instead."
In other words, his grandparents are accomplices! Sue them too!
And Julie snapped at Tanya via Facebook: "This is not the first time Alex has not turned up to a party that he has been invited to, either." Class action suit!
Surely it will take years of costly therapy for the Lawrence boy to come to terms with this highly upsetting event. Medical expenses!
No doubt he'll experience flashbacks, depression and anxiety for years to come. Post-traumatic stress!
Although it seems like little no-show Alex -- not the Lawrence boy -- might be hurting the most.
According to the Herald, "Alex has told his parents that his classmate will no longer play with him after he didn't show up to the party."
Perhaps Alex should counter sue! Abandonment!
Don't be a party pooper, email:
Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture
Style on 01/25/2015