Been There

You are not alone.

"You name it. If you've experienced it, we've got someone here that has been through the same thing," said Karen Buth, director of the Rapha Center for Women's Ministry in Rogers.

"Our motto is, 'We've been where you are,'" said Cheryl Harp, assistant director.

Rapha Center, housed at the First Baptist Church campus on Olive Street, provides counseling by women for women. The counselors all volunteer their time, and they aren't licensed. But they are extensively trained and use their negative life experiences to make positives for other people.

"Volunteer counselors know there are hurts and wounds associated with your situation," Harp said. "They've been through them, but they have come out on the other side. They can tell you where they've come from to where they are now."

The Rapha Center is Christian-based but nondenominational. The all-volunteer staff comes from 17 different churches and seven or eight different denominations, Buth explained.

"They don't have to go to church or even be a believer," Buth said of the clients. "But God will be part of our recommendations if the client is open to it."

Under the Skin

"My husband I were the first couple in marriage counseling," said Tiffany Sigala of Bentonville. "And it's changed our whole marriage.

"We are new Christians, and we didn't know what a true, loving, Christian marriage was," the outgoing young woman explained. "We didn't know the fundamentals of marriage. We talked about respect and communication. Words are very powerful -- very powerful."

Sigala pointed out that her husband would always do the dishes and clean the kitchen when she worked late. "When I just wanted a hug," she said.

"I'm still very much a work in progress," said Angela, a client who declined to share specifics. "I'm dealing with something I never, ever, in a trillion years imagined would happen to me -- and through no fault of my own and for a very unfortunate reason."

"Healing can start by just speaking about it the first time," Harp said. "Just by saying 'This is what happened ...,'"

"Then we've got a woman who came in and said, 'I don't have any big issues. I just need to talk to someone about the little things in life,'" Buth revealed.

"It's the little things that get under your skin," Harp said.

"I don't care who you are," Buth said. "We've all got stuff we need to work through. We all need counseling."

Demographic surveys completed before the Rapha Center opened in September revealed divorce and alcohol and drug abuse are common problems in Northwest Arkansas, Harp said. "And all of the above," Buth added.

"Even if you're a born-again Christian, you might not be willing to share out with your church family about something that happened to you or something that you did yourself," Buth said.

Angela said she sees God's hand in every step she takes to recovery. Her counselor's advice and homework exercises -- including reading and searching Scripture -- have helped, she said.

"You're still devastated, but speaking to someone helps," Buth said.

"I lost a lot of weight (along with another Rapha volunteer), and it was real hard," Buth said. "We helped each other look at the triggers that made us overeat. On your own, you wouldn't analyze something in your life that way."

Now, Sigala gets those hugs and works to keep the house neat. "I've learned that is what he likes to be happy," she said. Each learned the "love language" the spouse, the opposite, craves.

"We were very coachable," Sigala continued. "We did homework. We wanted our marriage to work."

Angela recommended the Rapha Center "for anyone who needed someone to talk to," she said. "The support is great. It's great to be able to talk to someone else who knows where you're coming from. The advice is real."

"Do you want to sit across from a Ph.D.? Or a real person who definitely has been where you are?" Buth said. "She is willing to share."

Call to ministry

The counselors are professional women, counselors, stay-at-home moms ... all of whom have a calling to help other women, Buth said. And the center administration will refer clients to professionals, as needed.

"I don't know what your story is, but God can use that," Harp said.

Potential peer counselors complete an extensive application, agree to a statement of faith and then face an interview with the director, Harp said.

"I was shocked to hear what our volunteers struggled with in the past," she said. "To look at that woman today, never in my wildest dreams would I think she had a drinking problem."

"Just reading over the stories of the women who apply ... God brings us all to ministry so they can pour their hearts out," Buth said.

"We all live in our little worlds," she continued. "Whatever you are going through ... Everybody has a story that can hinder them or help somebody else.

While many clients find the center via a referral, clients off the street also find help. "When a woman comes in, there's always a trained counselor to help her fill out the application (for counseling)," Buth said. "I'm sure they think they've had their first lesson."

The directors pray over the form and assign it to a counselor (with experience similar to the applicant). Within 48 hours, the counselor then prays for the client, makes contact and sets up an appointment.

"Our ministry is based on prayer," Buth said.

In each step they've taken to open this mission, Buth and Harp have prayed -- for everything from money for a license to a location with stained-glass windows. "And bam, bam, bam! God has answered our prayers," Buth said. The Rapha Center directors find the center blessed so completely, they tithe in the form of supplies and money to the parent organization, the International Center for Women's Ministries in Bloomington, Ind., and similar clinics. "Many of the centers are in small towns that don't have the resources we have in Northwest Arkansas," Buth said.

"The toilet paper caught my heart," Buth continued. "Everything has been donated -- everything. To think that God loves you so much he will send somebody to give you toilet paper.

"We're overwhelmed."

In addition to individual and couples counseling, Rapha Center offers ongoing Bible study and support groups. Programs on making peace with the past and recovering from grief are ongoing.

The shelves in the library are filled with books on Christian living, self-help, devotionals, reference Bibles and even Christian fiction. Desktop computers also are available to women, clients or not.

And the light-filled chapel with the stained-glass windows offers women a quiet place to pray, get away from the kids. "To breathe," Buth added.

All services provided by the Rapha Center are absolutely free to women, Buth said. "If a woman doesn't have money or insurance, she doesn't need to worry about it. She doesn't have to pay anything.

Unfortunately, the Rapha Center doesn't have the resources to provide food, utility assistance, transportation or child care.

"It's just counseling," Buth said. "We focus on getting people healed."

Blessings

"Restored is when you're not living it anymore," Buth said. "When you can say, 'That's who I was yesterday, but that's not who I am today.'

"You're never going to forget, but you need to be able to function through it.

"Say you were raped when you were 13 years old," she continued. "Why would you want to go back to 13 years old and live that again?"

"The scars will always be there," Harp said. "But you don't have to live in the scars."

Buth and Harp shared the story of one of their counselors. She was 40 and had been abused most of her life. She also suffers from bi-polar disorder and openly shares her experiences with others. "In fact, she was going to be here today, but she called and said she was in a low period," Buth said.

This counselor came to the Rapha Center to volunteer. "She said, 'I want to clean the center. I want to clean your toilets. I would be honored if you'd let me,'" Buth shared.

"She was so broken, she was hoping she'd be worthy enough to clean our toilets."

"She's turned out to be one of our best counselors," Harp said.

"Jesus came and died for the sinful world," Buth said. "Because we live in a sinful world, we are dysfunctional people.

"Everyone is a walking blessing," she concluded. "They just don't know it."

NAN Religion on 02/28/2015