DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Since my roommate's boyfriend spends at least five nights a week in our apartment, shouldn't he be paying some of the rent? For what it's worth, they say they stay here because it's closer to their jobs than his apartment is. But I think the reason is that our apartment is nicer.
-- Crowded
DEAR CROWDED: Suddenly Sheldon Cooper's roommate agreement doesn't sound so crazy.
Custom has it that as long as romantic partners are paying rent for homes of their own, they get to stay for free when they spend the night with their boyfriends or girlfriends. If they start to abuse this privilege, the remedy normally is not to charge the visitor rent, but to ask the happy couple to spend more time at the other apartment. Hence, even though you have good reason to ask for a ramped-up contribution to the rent, we'd bet these two lovebirds will be more receptive to a request for less of their company than to a request for more of their money.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: At the regionally prominent nonprofit where I work, we recently hired a new fundraiser, and he has been very successful at bringing in big-money donors. One way he bonds with them is to let them know that he was with the Seattle Mariners for six years, always underplaying the fact that he played only in the minor leagues. The problem is, his story isn't true. Thanks to the Internet, anyone who cares to check can easily determine that he spent exactly one season with a Mariners minor league team and five more playing in independent leagues unconnected to Major League Baseball. I'm worried that someday a donor will uncover the truth, and our organization will be tarnished. Should I tell our chief executive officer what I've discovered? I know she won't want to hear it and may accuse me of snooping.
-- R.A.
DEAR R.A.: Apparently no one at NBC wanted to hear about Brian Williams' "exaggerations" either, and look how that worked out for them.
So you bet, tell the CEO. Because you're correct that your organization is sure to get a black eye once a donor who's enthusiastic about baseball decides to look up your guy's stats (and that's what baseball fans do).
If you fear the CEO will be angry with you for bringing the fundraiser's misrepresentations to her attention, report them in an anonymous letter, enclosing printouts of the Web pages that document his fudging. And if she fails to act, send the letter to every member of the board.
Not everyone realizes that there's a world of difference between playing in an independent league, where it's understood that the players are going nowhere, and playing in the minor leagues, where every player's employer is a major league team and where the players are on a career path that can lead to the big time. Hopefully your letter will reach someone who understands this distinction before a major donor explains it to your CEO in the process of withdrawing his support for your organization.
Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn't It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check? Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). Email them at
Family on 08/26/2015