"Hey, folks. Welcome to Fayetteville. I see you rode up on your motorcycle, so you must be here for the big rally, right?"
"You bet," responded the rider as his wife looked around the oddly configured lobby. "We finally made it back for the rally after all these years. We haven't been here since 2013."
"Wow," the clerk said. "Well, we're glad to have you back for the 2030 rally. What's on your agenda for your stay?"
"My missus and I are gonna ride that Harley down to Dickson and take in the sights."
"On that motorcycle? What is that, a vintage 2004 Road King?" the clerk asked. "Man, that's a beauty, but you can't ride that while you're in town."
"Come again," the visitor queried.
"No, no, that won't do at all, unless you've converted it to a solar-powered, electrical engine," the clerk said with a serious look on his face. "Fayetteville realized back in 2019 just how much carbon pollution the motorcycle rally was pumping into our atmosphere, so the city banned motorcycles burning fossil fuels."
"Solar-powered? That doesn't even make sense," the rider asked.
"Well, in 2023 the city realized all the electric motorcycles allowed to come to town were causing a huge spike in electrical consumption, and since we were able a few years earlier to shut down SWEPCO's Flint Creek coal plant in Gentry, the grid was overburdened and the costs were too much for most riders to afford. So the answer was development of solar panels that fit on the back of the motorcycle. Self-contained power, that's where it's at, man."
The rider shook his head.
"No, seriously," the clerk said. "It's worked great except for that rainy year. And the rally's gotten a lot quieter so all those folks living downtown don't have to disappear for four days out of every year. But, hey, they run an electric trolley by here, so you can hop in it to get downtown. Here's a brochure with a map."
"What's that statue in this photo for the drop-off point?" the rider asked.
"That's honors a city alderman from several years ago who convinced the people of Fayetteville they weren't living right," the clerk said. "That quote on the base is something she said against stores selling fossil fuels, junk food and cigarettes. It was Fayetteville's wake up call, at least for those who embraced enlightenment.The dark-hearted people moved to other towns whose populations have continued to grow, but those of us sticking it out in Fayetteville are a healthier lot."
"Well, I can't wait to get downtown and get me some of that tasty barbecue," the heavy-set rider said as he licked his lips.
"Oh, well, um, they don't serve barbecue for the rally anymore," the clerk said. "Oh, about 10 years ago, the city put a stop to that because a group from outside the state raised concerns the practice discriminated against cows. Plus, studies suggested consuming red meat and all that sugary sauce wasn't healthy, so the city's leadership felt our town didn't need to be known for promoting an unhealthy lifestyle."
"But it's called "Bikes, Blues and BBQ!" the rider said.
"Oh, no. It hasn't been called that for a couple of years," the clerk responded. "They finally renamed it 'Pedestrians, Peddles and Paninis' to reflect Fayetteville's funkiness, more environmentally sensitive modes of travel and a favorite at our local food trailers. But hey, if you decide to rent an electric motorcycle while you're here, there's plenty of back-in parking down at that statue near the Square."
"OK, mister, I guess we'll stay in your Day's Inn for tonight, anyway," the rider said. "Can we get checked in?"
"Checked in?" the clerk asked" Oh, no wonder you guys are confused. This is the checkout line for the CVS Pharmacy. It hasn't been Day's Inn since you were last here. Hey, where are you folks going?"
"We're riding back up to Rogers to stay," the man said. "We hear they at least have some cool concerts planned at an awesome outdoor venue."
The clerk smiled. "Well, we hate for you to miss out on everything Fayetteville has to offer, but you'll fit in just fine up there. They adopted the rally's name and I hear there are tens of thousands of motorcycles up there."
"OK," the rider said. "Just toss some water battles in that plastic bag for us so we can pay up and hit the road."
"Shhhh! Keep your voice down," the clerk blurted out, darting his eyes around to see if anyone heard. "What are you doing? You'll get me fined by officers from the plastics czar. The city banned plastic bags back in 2015 and we don't bootleg bottled water here."
The clerk glanced around and moved closer to the biker.
"But I know a guy at the closest Sam's Club, in Springdale, who might be able to hook you up."
GREG HARTON IS OPINION PAGE EDITOR FOR NWA MEDIA.
Commentary on 09/29/2014