For this holiday

Thank and forgive

This is a different column about Thanksgiving since I'm proposing we include another aspect to the day designated to offer appreciation for the good things in our lives.

You see, I believe it wouldn't hurt a thing to include forgiveness to the thankfulness we feel and express. Yet forgiveness is not nearly as easy as gratitude.

Those I've forgiven for the negativity and pain they've caused in my life will never realize how hard that could be to achieve. That was my deeply personal hurdle to leap all alone.

But I also realized at about age 60 that holding on to my resentments and anger toward those who caused damage in some way was festering inside me and my spirit and soul. Not inside theirs.

That's when it dawned on me that learning to forgive without forgetting is perhaps the most important life lesson we each must learn if we're to grow our spirits during this lifetime.

The late Martin Luther King recognized this. He said it was crucial we develop and maintain the capacity to forgive: "He who is devoid of the power to forgive is devoid of the power to love. ... There is some good in the worst of us and some evil in the best of us. When we discover this, we are less prone to hate our enemies."

The Mayo Clinic's staff also understands the health benefits of forgiving.

"Nearly everyone has been hurt by the actions or words of another," they wrote in an article on the clinic site. "Perhaps your mother criticized your parenting skills, your colleague sabotaged a project or your partner had an affair. These wounds can leave you with lasting feelings of anger, bitterness or even vengeance. But if you don't practice forgiveness, you might be the one who pays most dearly. By embracing forgiveness, you can also embrace peace, hope, gratitude and joy. Consider how forgiveness can lead you down the path of physical, emotional and spiritual well-being."

Notice their choice of the word gratitude.

The article defines forgiveness as the decision to release resentments and thoughts of revenge against others. "The act that hurt or offended you might always remain a part of your life," they wrote, "but forgiveness can lessen its grip on you and help you focus on other, more positive parts of your life. Forgiveness can even lead to feelings of understanding, empathy and compassion for the one who hurt you."

They make it clear that forgiving doesn't mean denying another's responsibility for harming you, nor does it legitimize the wrong. It's possible to forgive without excusing ,and doing so often prompts a peace that helps the forgiver abandon bitterness, vengeance and resentments to continue with their brief lifetime in the most fulfilling way.

Letting go, they say, can't help but allow for healthier relationships; greater spiritual and psychological well-being; less anxiety, stress and hostility; lower blood pressure; a healthier immune system; improved heart health; and boosted self-esteem. Seems to me all those are worthy of thankfulness.

On the other hand, hanging on can bring anger and bitterness into every relationship and new experience, the inability to enjoy the precious moments of now, depression and anxiety, spiritual disconnection and a loss of bonding with others who deserve it.

"Forgiveness is a commitment to a process of change," Mayo staffers wrote, encouraging readers to consider the value of forgiveness in your life while reflecting on the facts of the situation, how you've reacted and how that has affected your life, health and well-being. Perhaps most importantly, those hanging on to such negativity can, when ready, actively choose to forgive the person who's offended them and distance themselves the role as victim, releasing the control it's had over your life.

As one releases the past and grudges roiling inside him, the Mayo folks wrote, he's likely to no longer define his life by how he has been harmed and might well discover compassion and understanding.

I've found the most difficult person to forgive often has been myself for the mistakes and poor choices I've made over the years. That's not too unusual. Many of us fall short by making what seem like the best decisions at the time.

An article by therapist Megan Hale also says people tend to cling to regrets over their mistakes for years. "You are much more than your past mistakes," she writes.

So in this Thanksgiving week, valued readers, what say we each embrace forgiveness as part of those things we value and appreciate? Then why not search our hearts and minds to take the steps necessary to make that happen and bring peace to life?

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Mike Masterson's column appears regularly in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Email him at [email protected].

Editorial on 11/25/2014

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