Blessed are those who mourn

Bereavement ministries offer comfort for the grieving

Arkansas Democrat-Gazette bereavement illustration.
Arkansas Democrat-Gazette bereavement illustration.

In a little more than a year's time Cheryl McCullough lost three loved ones. Her son, Tom, died of leukemia at the age of 45 in February 2011. Fifteen months later her beloved husband, Jack, died unexpectedly. Two weeks later her mother, Helen, passed away.

Her grief was like a blanket of fog. There was so much loss that it was hard to know how to grieve for each one without being overwhelmed.

McCullough found help at Robinson Avenue Church of Christ in ­Springdale through its bereavement ministry. At the time she wasn't a member. It was her late son's church, but she and Jack had been attending periodically. The congregation was there to comfort her, not just with meals after the funerals and heartfelt expressions of sympathy, but through its GriefShare program.

"This church reached out to me," McCullough said. "Harry [Fitzgerald] said, 'I want you to come to GriefShare today and I'll be waiting at the back door for you.'"

Fitzgerald is the leader of the church's senior citizens ministry, and he believed that the support provided by the GriefShare ministry could help McCullough. She went.

"It's unexplainable how much it helped," she said. "And it's still important to me."

GriefShare and other grief ministries can be found in churches across the state as more and more congregations recognize the need for extended care and support for those grieving the death of a loved one. GriefShare, a ministry based in Wake Forest, N.C., is a 13-week program that offers much-needed support for the grieving. There are videos from Christian experts, all of whom have experienced the death of a loved one, as well as from mental-health experts. Church members are trained to help facilitate discussions in small groups, and the grieving are given time to talk about their loss, memories of their loved one, their regrets or anger.

Sometimes it takes a while for participants to be comfortable enough to share their thoughts with others. But eventually the words come. There are often tears, and tissues are near.

"It affects everyone differently," said Jerry Lynn Gadberry, who serves as a coordinator for the program at the Springdale church.

McCullough said the first time she attended a GriefShare meeting she was comforted by the facilitators who shared their experiences with loss. She realized that by going through the journey of grieving with others, she was healing and would hopefully be able to help others one day. She does so now by helping with the ministry.

"It was the best thing that ever happened to me," she said of the program. "There were many times I had to identify who I was grieving for. I can now separate the grief. That's what this church did for me."

Gadberry said the program is offered throughout the year and often participants will return to go through the program again and again.

"Thirteen weeks doesn't mean they are through grieving," she said.

Second Presbyterian Church in Little Rock is beginning a new grief ministry this month. The program is part of "Faith & Grief: A Ministry of Compassion and Connection" that was started in Dallas. The church will offer free monthly luncheons for those who are grieving.

The Rev. Karen Akin, associate pastor for congregational nurture, said the church had offered grief seminars in the past, which mostly attracted elderly widows.

"We started realizing the grieving population was really shifting to a much larger group and the demographics were different -- younger people, parents who lost children and working people," Akin said. "So we were searching for a format that would work better for those who are working."

The one-hour lunchtime program seemed to fit, and was also easily adapted to be interfaith in content -- an important consideration for a church already deeply involved in interfaith work.

Akin said the program also seemed to mesh with the church's Alzheimer's support ministry because it offers caregivers a place to go to talk about their grief after losing a patient, friend or family member to the disease.

Unlike the seminars, which would run for a few weeks a couple of times a year, the luncheons will be an ongoing ministry every third Tuesday.

Participants will come in and pick up a boxed lunch and begin eating while a local clergy member offers some words of welcome and explains the structure of their time together. There will be prayer, reading of Scripture, and a lay person will share a short story about his own grief. Trained facilitators will be at each table to get everyone acquainted and start a discussion.

"The burden of conversation is not going to be on them," Akin said. "If people want to come and just don't really feel they can open their mouths because they are going to cry, that's OK. They will not be pressured into conversation."

Akin said she believes people are searching for a place where they can talk about their loved one, share their stories and discuss situations they faced during or after the death, whether it's navigating through hospice or feeling a lack of support from family.

Akin said society doesn't allow enough time for people to grieve and she hopes these luncheons will be a place for them to do so.

"We want it to be a safe place for people to remember, to name their loved one and to be around other people who suffered loss," she said. "Being a faith-based community, we're also a place we hope they will feel as if they are safe with God, even with questions and doubts and wonderment and anger."

Akin said those dealing with a recent loss or those whose loved ones died years ago are welcome, as are those from different faith backgrounds.

"We hope folks from the Jewish community, Muslim community, Baha'i or Buddhist communities, we hope they will come," she said. "We hope they will feel welcome."

The first luncheon will begin at noon Tuesday. Although the program and meal are free, registration is requested so organizers will know how many meals to have on hand. Registration is available online at faithandgrief.org or by calling (469) 251-9612. Second Presbyterian is at 600 Pleasant Valley Drive.

Akin said they intentionally started the program before the holidays, because Thanksgiving, Christmas and the new year can be difficult times for those who are grieving.

"Our culture is not very sensitive to that, not very embracing of people who are sad," she said. "We hope this can be a place where people can come during this time when the world is full of hopeful joy and they are not feeling that. It can be a place where they can come and continue to share their sadness."

The GriefShare program at Robinson Avenue Church of Christ will start a new session in January. It's open to all and information is available on griefshare.com or by calling the church at (479) 751-4887.

As for McCullough, she'll be celebrating Thanksgiving with family while remembering her husband, son and mother.

"I'm not over it. I will never be over it," she said.

But with the help of her church she continues to heal.

Religion on 11/15/2014

Upcoming Events