The warm weather is sorta, kinda, finally here. Maybe.
It's time to get out. Time to revel in nature. Time to be active and alive.
Or it's time to hole up inside in the air conditioning with some gluten-full snacks and some guilty pleasure television!
If that last option sounds best to you too, here are some shows to add to your DVR queue and their premiere dates.
• The Bachelorette (Monday, 8:30 p.m., ABC)
You remember Andi Dorfman, don't you? She's the woman who walked out on last season's bachelor Juan Pablo.
Andi has also walked out on her job (a real one -- not "dog lover," as the show identified one contestant's employment last season) as an assistant district attorney in Atlanta in pursuit of reality television love.
But if she doesn't find it, maybe she can also star on Bachelor in Paradise, a new Chris Harrison-hosted Bachelor spinoff (replacing Bachelor Pad) expected later this summer. According to ABC, "The romantic dating series will feature new twists, shocking surprises, unexpected guests and some of the most unlikely relationships in Bachelor history, plus all the usual romance, drama and tears we've come to expect from the Bachelor franchise."
In other words: The. Most. Dramatic. Bachelor. Ever!
• I Wanna Marry Harry (May 27, 7 p.m., Fox)
A dozen American ditzes think they're competing for the love of Prince Harry of Wales (as if the Buckingham Palace buck needs a show to find a date), when really they're being fooled by Fox and lookalike Matthew Hicks, who is just a regular Joe.
Speaking of Joe, remind anyone else of Fox's notorious 2003 dupe dating show Joe Millionaire?
How royally ridiculous! Still, we'll be perched on our thrones watching.
• Ladies of London (June 2, 9 p.m., Bravo)
Just as Bravo's Real Housewives shows never actually cast housewives, we expect Ladies of London, "set in the glittering, class-conscious city of London," to cast no ladies.
Expect the British socialites and American expats featured to engage in high tea and, more importantly, low blows.
• Keeping Up With the Kardashians (June 8, 9 p.m., E!)
Kim is a mom and planning to be a wife. Khloe and Lamar are calling it quits. Kris and Bruce are calling it splits. As for Rob, Kourtney, Kylie and Kendall -- eh, who kares?
There, you are all kaught up!
• Big Brother 16 (June 25, 8 p.m., CBS)
Our favorite all-consuming summer spying-on-strangers-living-in-a-house series is back — three times a week as in previous years.
For all that watching, we can’t remember who the big winner was last year.
But who could forget the biggest loser: former railroad conductor Spencer Clawson of Conway, whose sexist and racist speech caused his employer to issue the statement, “Union Pacific does not condone his comments.” Later the company confirmed: “Union Pacific no longer employs Spencer Clawson. Consistent with the company’s employment policy and privacy concerns, we do not provide details about personnel matters.”
Dating Naked (July 17, 10 p.m., VH1)
We’ve already had a naked survival show (Naked and Afraid, Discovery) and a naked real estate show (Buying Naked, TLC).
Why not a naked dating show?
According to VH1, “Filmed on a remote exotic locale, each close-ended episode will feature a man and a woman as they each date two different, naked suitors.
“The series will play with the idea of what it really means to be naked in the search for love. Would your quest be more successful if you truly had nothing to hide? There’s no clothing, no jewelry, no phones and no conventions of society. Just you.”
And a camera crew. And directors. And producers. And nonscripted script supervisors.
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Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture.
Style on 05/18/2014