The cult of summer is an American invention, dependent upon school-days nostalgia and our peculiar belief that the season ought to offer a reprieve from any sort of intellectual or physical effort. Nobody wants to do anything hard in the summer; we want to read junk novels and watch junk movies in airconditioned comfort.
Few of the movies coming to a theater near you in the next couple of months will challenge that convention. At least that’s the sense we get from a little bit of Googling and watching trailers on YouTube. We’ve seen exactly one of the films listed below — Locke, and it’s terrific — so basically we’re just guessing.
Naturally, some release dates are going to shift, and this list is likely not inclusive. It’s meant for entertainment purposes only, so just chill, why doncha? After all, summer’s here (well, in a few weeks) and the time is right for, uh, big dumb noisy blasts of light and sound.
FRIDAY
Godzilla — 60 years after American nuclear tests roused the monster from its sleep (see the original, excellent and seriously intended Gojira), the big lizard rides again, for the 30th time. Is it wrong to expect more than noise and special effects from this big-budget, big-hype production studded with medium-big names (Bryan Cranston, Frank Darabont, Elizabeth Olson, Ken Watanabe, Aaron Taylor-Johnson and director Gareth Edwards)? Probably. As the musical poets in Blue Oyster Cult tell us, “History shows again and again, how nature points out the folly of men.”
Million Dollar Arm — Jon Hamm, who heretofore has seemed a welcome if curiously colorless presence on the big screen, plays a sports agent who recruits cricket players from the subcontinent as Major League pitchers in this Disney project based on a true story.
MAY 23
Blended — Adam Sandler and Drew Barrymore reteam as single parents who, having suffered through a terrible blind date, find themselves (and their children) stuck at a family resort in Africa.
Locke — Tom Hardy in a car for 90 minutes. Fascinating. (And I’m not being sarcastic.)
X-Men: Days of Future Past — Director Bryan Singer returns for the latest installment of the franchise he started; this one has Wolverine going back in time, presumably not to kill Hitler. Anyway, another comic book movie, maybe one of the better ones, but the big question waiting to be answered is whether Fox and Columbia might be looking for a way to unite (blend?) the X-Men and Spider-Man universes.
MAY 30
Maleficent — Angelina Jolie, having missed out on the evil queen role in Snow White and the Huntsman, settles for a turn as an evil fairy in this Disney re-tooling of Sleeping Beauty. Well-appointed, with Elle Fanning, Sharlto Copley and Imelda Staunton.
A Million Ways to Die in the West — We’d lay the odds on Seth MacFarlane’s follow-up to the somewhat overrated Ted will be the most subversive Western comedy since Blazing Saddles. But then, there’s not a lot of competition. Still, we’re looking forward to this one, although we might catch it on DVD.
JUNE 6
22 Jump Street — The inevitable sequel to the sort-of-surprising Channing Tatum-Jonah Hill hit comedy of a couple of years ago. While the first was a spoof of the old Fox TV series, this one is a riff on the idea of inevitable sequels. We’ll see if they can re-create the loose vibe of the first film, or whether it’s one trip to the well too many.
Edge of Tomorrow — Tom Cruise in a kind of Groundhog Day meets Oblivion high-concept, sci-fi role: A somewhat craven military public relations officer gets sent on a suicide mission and gets caught in a time loop — he keeps dying in battle and coming back, slightly stronger and smarter than he was before. Doug Linman (2008’s Jumper) directs. With Emily Blunt and Bill Paxton.
The Fault in Our Stars — Hazel (Shailene Woodley) and Gus (Ansel Elgort) are physically damaged teenagers who fall in love after meeting at a cancer support group. Based on John Green’s well-regarded young adult novel of the same name.
How to Train Your Dragon 2 — It’s back to the animated island of Berk, five years after Hiccup (Jay Baruchel) and Toothless demonstrated that vikings and dragons could cooperate. But there’s another adventure out there — an ice cave harboring wild dragons and the mysterious Dragon Rider.
JUNE 20
Think Like a Man Too — Everybody’s back, including Kevin Hart, Gabrielle Union and Ride Along director Tim Story, for this Las Vegas-set sequel to the 2012 hit that was based on Steve Harvey’s slim advice book.
Jersey Boys — the story of ’60s pop group The Four Seasons had its beginnings as a Broadway musical.
JUNE 27
Transformers: Age of Extinction — Addition by subtraction? Shia LaBeouf is out and Mark Wahlberg is in for Michael Bay’s latest Autobots and Decepticons opera. This one is allegedly an homage to the design of the ’80s Hasbro toys.
JULY 2
Earth to Echo — Smallscale sci-fi film about a group of friends who receive strange text messages after a construction project begins in their neighborhood. There’s not that much information about it out there.
Tammy — Melissa McCarthy loses her job, kicks her unfaithful husband to the curb and sets out on a road trip with her boozy, floozy grandmother (Susan Sarandon). McCarthy’s real-life husband, Ben Falcone, makes his directorial debut.
JULY 4
Begin Again — Writer-director John Carney returns to the musical milieu he mined so successfully with 2007’s magical Once. This time, Keira Knightley portrays a British folk singer singing for her supper in New York dive bars; Mark Ruffalo is the depressive music executive who discovers her; and Adam Levine is her sell-out former boyfriend and musical collaborator. A possible bright spot in a dismal sea? We can hope.
JULY 11
Fast & Furious 7 — Ian Shaw is out for revenge against Dominic Toretto and his crew. More of the same, made somewhat bittersweet by the presence of Paul Walker, who died Nov. 30 in a car crash.
JULY 18
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes — Set 10 years after the events of the first movie, an all-CGI army of apes battles human survivors. Why do we want Caesar’s forces to win? Apparently there’s a James Franco cameo.
Planes: Fire & Rescue — Another DisneyToon Studios (not Pixar) baby sitter that abuts — or actually, exists above — the world of Cars. Here we get the likes of Dane Cook and Julie Bowen instead of Owen Wilson and Paul Newman, but then you think, do the little crumb-snatchers really care?
Sex Tape — You’ve seen the trailer, right? Cameron Diaz and (a remarkably buff) Jason Segal spice up their marriage by making a sex tape that inadvertently goes viral. Jake Kasdan directs, which makes it sort of fun to think of this as a Bad Teacher quasi-sequel.
JULY 25
Jupiter Ascending — Matrix filmmakers Andy and Lana Wachowski are back with another completely nuts science fiction movie, this one featuring Channing Tatum and Mila Kunis as a destitute Russian immigrant who — dangerously, as it turns out — is genetically identical to the Queen of the Universe.
Hercules — Dwayne Johnson is the Greek demigod, who has labors and such.
AUG. 1
Guardians of the Galaxy — The one many of you are apparently waiting for — Bradley Cooper voices a raccoon and Vin Diesel voices Groot while Chris Pratt and Zoe Saldana make up the rest of what is apparently the Fantastic Four’s JV squad.
AUG. 8
The Hundred-Foot Journey — What’s a Lasse (Chocolat, among many others) Hallstrom movie about an Indian family who opens a humble curry shop across the street from a Michelin-starred French restaurant doing opening in August? And Helen Mirren’s in it?
Into the Storm — Hey, gang, anyone up for a “found footage” tornado disaster movie? Didn’t think so.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles — I don’t think I can continue much longer. Somebody please help me. Four Ninjitsu-trained turtles — Leonardo, Raphael, Michelangelo and Donatello — and their sensei, Master Splinter, emerge from the Manhattan sewers to, I don’t know, battle evil?
AUG. 15
The Expendables 3 — Insert joke about title here. Mention that new Expendables — Antonio Banderas, Harrison Ford, Mel Gibson and Wesley Snipes — have been added to the cast. Think of some clever way to reference the exit of Bruce Willis after Sly Stallone tweeted that the Die Hard star was “greedy and lazy.” Try to explain why “greedy and lazy” isn’t the perfect description of the ideal Expendable.
The Giver — The reliable Phillip Noyce directs Meryl Streep, Jeff Bridges, Katie Holmes, Taylor Swift and Alexander Skarsgard in this film adaptation of Lois Lowry’s 1993 young adult novel about a boy (Brenton Thwaites) who learns some uncomfortable truths about the apparently utopian society he has grown up in.
AUG. 22
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For
— The much-delayed sequel is finally here. The question is, does anyone — aside from the cast (most of whom are in need of a career infusion) care anymore? Still, there’s no denying that the creative partnership of co-directors Frank Miller and Robert Rodriguez has some potential.
AUG. 29
Jessabelle — A micro-budget horror film about a young woman who returns to her childhood home in Louisiana to recover from a horrific car wreck. Something bad has been waiting for her. Directed by Kevin Greutert, who did one of the Saw films.
The Loft — The body of a young woman is discovered in a loft that five young professionals — James Marsden, Wentworth Miller, Karl Urban, Eric Stonestreet and Matthias Schoenaerts — share for the purposes of extramarital affairs. No one wants to take responsibility for the corpse. If it sounds familiar, that’s because Belgian director Erik Van Looy is remaking his 2008 Belgian film (which also starred Schoenaerts).
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Style on 05/11/2014