Fill my food dish and slap the litter box. Spring starts today at 11:57 a.m., tom cat time.
Tom cat time is why I laugh at deadlines, like when the cat butler sets one for me to finish a column. Hardee har har. Fine prose cannot be rushed.
Spring doesn't do deadlines either. Maybe that's why it seemed a long time getting here. Just because it's March 20 doesn't mean spring is really here. Could be the nice weather today is just a fig leaf of your imagination and winter might still hang around.
Remember last spring when it snowed on May 4? Who could forget? I'd already started to shed and my hiney got cold. Almost cost me a life.
So there's your news flash. Spring has sprung. That makes me happy, but spring isn't the real topic of this column. Here's something that has me hot under the flea collar. I've missed my chance to finally have a new sports team named after me -- the Bentonville Boat Docks.
You enlightened and informed newspaper readers know well that Bentonville is building a second high school and this week chose their new mascot. Fans won't be rooting for the Bentonville Boat Docks and that's too bad.
Instead the school board chose, get this, the wolverines. The pep squad has their work cut out for themselves coming up with some catchy cheers. Not many words rhyme with wolverine. Boat Dock? Now we're talking.
Lets say the team is behind an extra point or one little free throw. The cheerleaders pick up their pom poms.
"That's OK, that's all right. Soon you'll feel the tom cat's bite. So fight, Boat Docks, fight!"
OK, so technically it'd be the Bentonville West Boat Docks. Let's not get picky.
Having my handsome mug painted in the center of the basketball court, or on the Boat Docks' football helmets, would strike fear in the other team. A lot more than, say, a fishing pier.
My manservant and I aren't speaking because it's his fault the school board chose the wolverines. He didn't go to any of the meetings and get my name thrown into the hat. Had it been on the list, the school honchos would have picked it.
Besides the rhyming thing, I, Boat Dock, see another problem with wolverines. It has too many syllables. Look at our other area mascots -- Bulldogs, Mounties, Blackhawks, Panthers, you get the picture. Two easy-to-pronounce syllables.
Gentry Pioneers is about the only three-syllable mascot I can think of right now. But most fans just say "pie-neers."
I, Boat Dock, will wait until the last Big Four hold-out, Fayetteville, goes to two high schools. It could happen.
Happy spring and go wolverines.
BOAT DOCK IS FELINE OUTDOORS COLUMNIST FOR NWA MEDIA. HIS COLUMN APPEARS WHEN HE FEELS LIKE WRITING ONE. WRITE TO BOAT DOCK ON HIS FACEBOOK PAGE.
Outdoors on 03/20/2014