MONEY MANNERS

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: We recently discovered that our daughter-in-law writes a blog about us that sneers at everything we do and care about. Even the name of the blog refers to us in a mean way. The thing is, my husband and I have been supplementing our son’s and his wife’s income for years because “Paul” is a painter and doesn’t earn that much. My husband is hurt and angered by what “Inga” has written, and he wants to stop sending them money. I’m hurt and angry as well, but I’m worried about how these two and, especially, their children are going to get by without our help. What should we do?

• N.B.

DEAR N.B.: For your daughter in-law to repay your generosity by making a public mockery of you is shameful. And if Paul knew what she was doing and did nothing, his moral compass is off as well. You should tell them that you know about the blog, insist that Inga cease writing about you and demand a full apology.

Also, unless you learn that Inga’s been diagnosed with multiple personality disorder and it’s “Bad Inga” who’s been blogging, forget about sending more checks anytime soon. Give your grandchildren things you know they need or will enjoy. But your ungrateful daughter-in-law and at best clueless son need a time-out to contemplate, if nothing else, the imprudence of having bitten the hand that’s been feeding them.

One final note: Don’t lose any sleep over their finances. Your son can always do what plenty of other artists have done: Get a day job.

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: For three years, my brother and I have been trying to sell a house we own (we inherited it from a relative). It’s a nice place in a quiet, lakeside development in Illinois. We started out asking more than $100,000 for it, but have since dropped the price to $55,000, which is well below the price at which comparable houses there have been selling. The reason it hasn’t sold, we’ve discovered, is that every time our Realtor arrives with a client to show the property, the guy in the house across the street starts blasting loud music. Recently we learned the motivation for his behavior: Good friends of his have offered us $49,000 for the house. My brother is disgusted by their tactics, but he still wants to sell them the property and be done with it. It has cost us a lot of money to hold this house for three years, and he’s fed up. What I think, though, is that we should hire an attorney and go after the scheming neighbor. Who’s right?

• Harassed

DEAR HARASSED: What’s the neighbor’s next move? To blow up your birdbath if you refuse his friends’ offer?

Of course you’re right. You and your brother shouldn’t let this guy get away with what amounts to extortion. By all means hire a lawyer, but don’t stop there: Consider contacting the homeowners association’s lawyer, asking your real estate agent to speak to his or her company’s lawyer (this can’t be the first time the agency has run into a problem like this) and calling the police.

Your brother has our sympathy. But caving in to bullies does not.

DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: Our daughter just started law school, and we’re considering buying a house or a condo for her to live in. We can afford it, but we’re wondering: Is this a good idea, or is our daughter better off learning to deal with roommates, landlords and rent payments?

• Hank

DEAR HANK: We vote for roommates, landlords and rent payments. Your daughter may be a model of maturity. But even if she is, most people are better off for having had to handle a few garden-variety life problems while they were still young enough to learn from the experience.

Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?

Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). Email them at [email protected]