‘Golden Rule’: Pairs must talk

Wednesday, January 15, 2014

Quotes from How to Stay Married Without Going Crazy: Second Edition, by Rebecca Fuller Ward: “The Golden Rule of Marriage is different from the Biblical Golden Rule, which advises the faithful to treat (do unto) others as they would like to be treated (done unto) .… The Golden Rule of Marriage is to treat your partner the way they tell you they want to be treated.”

“The environment and circumstances of your family were instrumental in your development. And your partner had the same process occurring but in another family. Each of you grew in a different ‘garden,’ and both of you need to know it and accept it so you don’t feel that your partner is just trying to drive you crazy.”

“Getting married doesn’t strip you of your right to be an individual.”

“The most common way of being indirect [in communication] is the use of questions, and ‘Why?’ questions are the worst offenders. … Don’t hide behind a question. Make an ‘I’ statement instead. ‘I don’t like that green tie with the plaid shirt.’ ‘I wish you had called me today. … ’” “Vulnerability in a marriage has to do with the strength of the couple’s … bond, and the bond is made strong by … their ability to deal with their differences in an open, healthy manner. Conflict avoidance always leads to intimacy avoidance and this is possibly the chink in the marital bond that can send the spouses outside the marriage.”

Family, Pages 35 on 01/15/2014