After “lose weight,” “quit smoking” and “save money,” another commonly made New Year’s resolution might be “spend more time with the kids.” Well, parental promise-makers, 2014 could be the year. Bonding through shared experiences is one way to help raise happy children who are pleasant to be around. Activities such as hiking or arts and crafts, might be the quickest way to reach that goal. For suggestions of the sorts of hobbies or sports that will yield the best bonding opportunities, we asked licensed clinical social worker Deborah C. Wright of Little Rock.
PLAYTIME
“Children learn and change through interactive and explorative play,” she said. “It’s critical to a child’s overall development as long as the play is at their developmental level. As kids get older, it’s important to continue with somewhat designated family time.
And whether that means climbing Pinnacle Mountain or taking a family vacation, the bonding should occur early. It’s more difficult for the bonding to occur later.”
In short, there’s no time like the present, and, luckily, families can blaze trails to togetherness through such diverse activities as tennis, the arts or yoga.
SERVES THEM WELL
If it takes a village, Lori Snyder, 51, and her family of four created one through tennis. As her two sons grew into the sport and began playing at higher levels, they’d tour the country, meeting other tennis families and building bonds that last to this day.
“We would travel with our neighbors because all of the neighborhood boys played tennis,” she said. “A lot of times all of our families would go to matches together. We were very supportive of each other’s kids.”
Through the sport, the Snyder sons learned to be gentlemen and good sportsmen, she says.
“Things like throwing your racket are not allowed and will get you kicked off the court, so it taught them a lot about respect and shaking hands and things that helped them later in life when meeting people,” she said.
Within the confines of a shared sport, the Snyders found it easy to bond with their children.
“You can always say, ‘Let’s go play tennis,’” she said, but cautions that the benefits will be negated if parents are hoping to live vicariously through their children.
“That’s going to wreak havoc on your kid,” she said. “But if you can sit back and enjoy them enjoying a sport and know as a parent that they’re doing the best they can do, it’s definitely something I would recommend” for forging relationships with your children and other families.
SETTING THE STAGE
Alison Nicholson, 46, says her family’s involvement in the Arkansas Arts Center’s Children’s Theatre has given her teenage daughter and son plenty to discuss around the dinner table.
“There’s always something to talk about. My kids became more interested in the classics because they were in a show,” she said. “More so than if I’d said, ‘Hey, you should read Little Women,’ if they’re in a show about it, they learn it and know it and you can talk about issues. It’s a good experience for an open-ended discussion.”
And the exposure to the arts community - with all its diversity - helped her children gain confidence and socialization skills, as well as a deeper appreciation for mom.
“They’ve always interacted with a wide range of people, and they weren’t always ranging with their peers,” she said. “It was natural to be with everybody of every age, so it’s not like mom’s an old fuddy-duddy. With all of their friends knowing me and spending time at our house, my kids think it’s fine to have me around.”
YOGA, BABY
Although yoga is typically thought of as a pursuit where practitioners look inward for a calmer mind, instructor Karen Reeves, 55, has bonded with her two young grandchildren through Mommy and Me classes in Hot Springs and Little Rock.
“I think if I’d had yoga in my life as a young mom, I would’ve been so much more patient with my kids,” she said. “The only tool I had then was to count to 10, but yoga teaches me what’s done is done, and this moment is what I have to make a real difference.”
She’s taught her 7-monthold grandson yoga poses like downward dog using animal noises as cues.
“It’s been such a joy to do that,” she said. “I started teaching Mommy and Me Yoga with some young children where the whole family comes to class, and it’s amazing the bond that forms.”
She recounted the story of a child rebelling against bedtime, and a mom giving her the choice of going to time out or going into a child’s pose. The girl chose the latter.
“After about two minutes, she got up and said, ‘Night night. I’m going to bed now,’” Reeves said.
She says yoga is ideal for bonding because, unlike sports, it’s not competitive.
“It’s great for children and adults who don’t do well in competitive sports, because everyone can do yoga at some level,” she said.
Family therapist Debbie Wright agrees that for best results, bonding activities shouldn’t feel like a competition.
“As long as it’s a shared experience and a mutually enjoyed event, and not something where someone is trying to one-up you or put you in a your place, then that’s where the bonding occurs,” she said.
She advises parents to stay on the child’s level, even if that means rolling around on the ground.
“If every parent took 30 minutes every evening and got on the floor and wrestled and played and interacted with each other there’s a huge difference in that opposed to sitting on the couch and playing a video game,” she said.
As children age and naturally pursue individual activities, the bonding done when they’re young will last through the tumultuous teen years.
“The balance gets harder the older they get,” she said. “But if they’ve gotten that good playful interaction and bonding as a little one, generally parents are OK to navigate through those really tough times.”
For Loren Bartole and her two daughters, ages 13 and 11, she has seen their self-confidence and maturity level blossom in the Arts Center community. But more than that, she prefers to connect with her children through experiences over material things.
“We’re not a big ‘stuff ’ family. On Christmas, people are getting things. Instead, we do ‘experiences,’ and the Arts Center is a big part of that,” she said. “So, it’s about the four of us having an experience together, not just everyone being in separate corners of the house, being plugged into their own world.”
Those experiences typically mean board games and family vacations rather than prime-time television or trips to the mall.
“When people talk about their families, they talk about how the most bonding they ever do with their mom is going shopping and the most bonding they do with their dad is watching the same TV show or a Razorback game, but they don’t do a lot of things together,” said Mattingly Bartole, 13. “The theater has brought us a lot closer together because it has helped our communication abilities … and we all enjoy it so much that we have some common ground.”Diversions help get the bond rolling
Arkansas has plenty to offer in the way of diversions, but when you’ve exhausted the library programs, playgrounds, hiking trails and parks, give these free or pretty cheap ideas a whirl.
Spend a morning or afternoon learning about the wild at a nature center such as the Witt Stephens Jr. Central Arkansas Nature Center in Little Rock, (501) 907-0636, centralarkansasnaturecenter.com, free admission; the Janet Huckabee Arkansas River Valley Nature Center in Fort Smith, (479) 452-3993, free admission; or the Botanical Garden of the Ozarks in Fayetteville, (479) 750-2620,, admission is $7 for those 12 and older; $7 for children 5 to 12 and free for younger children.
On the rare occasions that wintry precipitation makes sledding in central Arkansas feasible, families can be found slidding down the gently slopping hills on the grounds of the Clinton Presidential Center. On sunny days, those same grassy grounds can be useful for impromptu soccer matches or rolling down at high speeds. Admission to the grounds is free though there is a charge to enter the library.
Browse the exhibits at one of the many museums throughout the state such as the Historic Arkansas Museum, 200 E. Third Street, Little Rock, (501) 324-9351, admission $2.50 for those 18 to 64 years old, $1.50 for those 64 and older, and $1 for children up to age 18 (historicarkansas.org). The Old State House Museum, 300 W. Markham St., Little Rock, (501) 324-9685 is free (oldstatehouse.com). At the Arkansas Air & Military Museum in Fayetteville, (479) 521-4947, admission is $10 for those 12 and older, $5 for ages 6 to 12 and free for younger children (arkansasairandmilitary.com).
Parents and older teens can join forces in nearly any adult martial arts class. Some places offer classes suitable for parents and younger children. Check with local centers for details.
There are plenty of opportunities to do yoga with the kids. Check with a local yoga studio to see if it accommodates families. Karen Reeves teaches yoga at various central Arkansas locations including the Hot Springs YMCA, 130 Werner St. She also leads adult classes suitable for older children on Tuesday and Thursday evenings at First United Methodist Church, 518 N. Reynolds Road in Bryant. Call Reeves at (501)681-0566 for more information and prices. Mommy and Me Yoga Classes are held at 11 a.m. on Thursdays at Barefoot Studio, 8501 Pinnacle Valley Road, Little Rock. The program is geared toward children up to age 2.
Make memories with a pottery painting day at studios such as The Painted Pig in Little Rock. (501) 280-0553. Or at Imagine Studios in Rogers. (479) 268-3190. The studio will fire and glaze your work for a keepsake that will last.
Kids love playing in the dirt and moms love diamonds. With luck, everyone wins at the Crater of Diamonds State Park in Murfreesboro, (870) 285-3113. Admission is $7 for 12 and older, $4 for ages 6 to 12 and free for younger children (craterofdiamondsstatepark.com).
- Melissa Tucker
Family, Pages 36 on 01/01/2014