Your church has fallen on hard times. Members are dropping out, attendance is down and many of those who attend appear to be asleep. The church has lost its vitality. All of this creates a shortfall in income, and it is essential steps be taken to remedy this problem or drastic cuts in the church's budget will have to be taken. To get input from the parishioners, a suggestion box was used, and here are some of the ideas.

Parishioners should be urged to bring firearms to church to show support for their Second Amendment rights. Provide a church firing range and offer prizes for the best marksman, woman and child. Have a class on "shooting bad guys for Jesus."

With the professional football season rapidly approaching, provide a listening party for Sunday night games, after a short church service, with beer and wine available. Participants would be urged to be moderate in their consumption, and a conviction for a DWI would cause the offender to be barred from future listening parties for 30 days.

A dating service could be provided by the church in an attempt to match up parishioners who are lonely. The church would also provide classes in how congregants can get to know their dates and help make the process a success. If this service proved to be effective, the participants agree to pay the church a fair amount for the service.

At what you might call intermission, halfway through the service, provide secular entertainment to liven up the crowd, such as pop music, testimonials and various announcements about coming events at the church.

Pay a finder's fee for a parishioner who brings in a new member who remains with the church for a period of six months, makes a reasonable financial pledge and then pays it. The fact the new member was enticed away from another church would be frowned upon but would not preclude compensation. The recruiting tactic of downgrading other faiths would be strictly prohibited.

In order for the church to appeal to a broader cross-section of people, kneeling during the service should be limited, the music should be more of a contemporary variety, such as electric guitar and less organ, and the sermons should be shortened and dwell less on sin. One parishioner suggested the church provide a service for those who wish to speak in the unknown tongue, but this would also require someone to interpret the speech, and this idea seems to be beyond the church's umbrella.

As a last resort, if none of the other ideas work, come up with a money-back guarantee to members about their admission to heaven. How this would work might be a problem, but you might deal with specifics of the plan at a later date. This arrangement would require a substantial amount of faith, which could never be a bad thing.

Some changes are inevitable in any church to keep up with times, and the idea of less emphasis on a formal church service and one more secular in nature may have appeal. You might refer to the new service as "religion lite." The other suggestions may have merit. Nevertheless, how far a church wants to go in departing from traditions to pick up new members and, consequently, more money is the question. The church elders might worry some of these suggestions are so extreme they might cause members to leave the church, making a bad situation worse.

BASS TRUMBO IS A RESIDENT OF FAYETTEVILLE, AN ATTORNEY AND A FORMER COLLEGE INSTRUCTOR IN BUSINESS LAW.