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Cultivate gratitude instead of worry

"You have the tendency to invite worry into your life."

These are words that our therapist said to my wife and me recently.

I had two immediate reactions. First, I joked, "You're just talking about Vanessa, right?" And second, we wondered if everybody did this or if it was just us.

We certainly live in a culture that has the tendency to invite worry in our lives. Isn't this the whole basis of advertising? Commercials are designed to make us think that if we don't have a particular product or service our lives will be incomplete in some way. Good marketing makes us anxious that we will be missing out if we don't buy now.

But we can't just blame it on our culture. Many of us are natural worriers. I've known enough people to realize that there is a spectrum of anxiety on which people fall. Some people are happy and carefree. Others are not. Some people can't figure out where the line is between unhealthy anxiety and healthy preparedness. And others seem to just naturally spend a lot of time in what Stephen Covey called their "sphere of concern."

One of the things that I find so compelling about Jesus is how he was both countercultural and counterintuitive.

The Sermon on the Mount is an amazing collection of Jesus' teachings in which it is as if he is consistently saying, "I know you all think life has to be this particular way, but let me suggest to you a different way." Jesus challenges us to question the conventional wisdom and our natural tendencies.

And he does so specifically in the area of worry.

Here's part of what he says, "Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. ... So do not worry, saying 'What shall we eat?' or 'What shall we drink?' or 'What shall we wear?' ... Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own" (Matthew 6:25, 31, 34).

I can't imagine that Jesus will get much argument out of most of us that worry is not the healthiest way to deal with the cares of life and we are not the best versions of ourselves when we are overcome with anxiety.

The question becomes, "How?" How can we quit worrying so much? How can we not be overcome with anxiety? How can we change the tendency to invite worry into our lives?

Frankly, that's a big question that will have as many answers as there are worriers in the world. But there are a number of tools that can be employed to help us with our anxiety, to one extent or another.

For me, simply reducing my caffeine intake made a huge difference with my anxiety. Others might find eating better or getting regular exercise might help.

Therapy has also been instrumental for me and my wife. Having a trusted, wise counselor to talk to in a safe environment has made our concerns not seem so big and scary. We've been learning that much of our anxiety is driven by our perceived need to be better. Our therapist keeps reminding us that "good enough" is acceptable too.

Some folks might need medication, either for the long haul or just in the short-term. Many of us who grew up in church might have some sense that getting medically treated for anxiety is an illegitimate cop-out to a problem. This couldn't be further from the truth. Many people simply need the relief that medication can provide. There is no shame in taking an antibiotic for an infection. And there is no shame in taking a medication for anxiety if it is needed.

On a side note, mental health issues, in all of their variegated forms, are real. Many churches, in my experience, have been woefully inadequate in how they have addressed them. That has led to some people feeling alone and ostracized in their very real struggles. I can't imagine Jesus marginalizing those who are fighting for their mental health.

One other tool that probably all of us can use to battle worry is cultivating gratitude. Intentionally finding the things in our lives for which we can give thanks helps us not to be as anxious. Gratitude reminds that just as God has provided for us in the past, we can trust God to be there for us in the future. Jesus pointed to what his Father did as evidence that worry isn't healthy for us.

Whether it's through a gratitude journal or a slow and quiet cup of coffee or a period of meditation or just about any other way, whenever we pause and consider the birds and the flowers and the bread in the pantry and the pile of folded laundry and the painting our child did that now hangs on our wall, we keep worry at bay, at least in those moments.

Maybe Meister Eckhart said it best, "If the only prayer you said in your whole life was 'thank you,' that would suffice."

NAN Religion on 08/16/2014

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