Abused child finds voice to help others

Thursday, September 26, 2013

Aneighbor raped her when she was 6. Her 15-year-old cousin involved her with oral sex when she was 13.

Today, Erin Merryn works to help children get out of similar situations. She is the driving force behind Erin’s Law, mandating sexual abuse prevention and education for children in prekindergarten to 12th grades. The Arkansas General Assembly adopted the law in April.

“I want kids to be able to speak up, to know what a safe touch is, to not keep secrets,” Merryn said Thursday, speaking to professionals at the Children’s Advocacy Center of Benton County in Little Flock. She spoke that evening at the annual Cherishing Children Dinner benefiting the advocacy center at Cross Church in Rogers.

“We teach them in school about fire prevention, bus safety, drug use. We have earthquake and tornado drills. They know about‘stranger danger,’” she said. “They need to know about sexual abuse, and that it’s OK to speak up.”

The website for Erin’s Law shares efforts to get the law passed in all states and lists some statistics about sexual abuse of children:

◊Every six minutes a child is sexually abused - in homes, schools, automobiles, hotels, motels, athletic fields, locker rooms, public restrooms and more.

◊One in four girls and one in six boys are sexually abused before the age of 18.

◊Only one in 10 victims are estimated to report it.

◊More than 90 percent of child sexual abuse is committed by someone the child already knows, loves and trusts - parents, stepparents, guardians, friends, babysitters, teachers, coaches, ministers, etc.

◊Child sexual abuse is seldom a one-time occurrence and lasts on average one to four years.

The law calls for teachers to be trained to recognize warning signs of sexual abuse and how to respond.

“That means not calling the parent up and saying, ‘Guess what your child told me today,’” Merryn said.

“Then the kid goes home to his parents, and they threaten him beyond threatening.”

The law calls for children to be taught - using research-based, age-appropriate materials and language - to recognize sexual abuse and to tell an adult. It also seeks to inform parents about the warning signs of abuse, plus how to offer assistance and referral to support children who are victims.

Merryn wants parents to learn how to talk to their children and describe safe and unsafe environments.

“And keep talking until you can talk no longer.

“It’s a dangerous situation when the only message they hear is from their perpetrator, and he’s telling them to keep it secret,” she said.

Merryn said she receives some resistance to the law when school leadership says time or money is not available.

But local professionals at the session said they are ready to step in - for free.

Education programs are available through nonprofit agencies such as the advocacy center. And the Erin’s Law website provides links to other resources.

“You don’t put a price tag on a child’s life,” Merryn said.

She gave an example of one high school in another state. The principal was hesitant about Merryn speaking. He didn’t feel there was a need in his community. Yet, by the time Merryn finished speaking, six students had reported abuse to social workers standing in the aisles.

Merryn speaks at churches, high schools, colleges, rehabilitation programs and prisons. “Eighty-five percent of the women in prison have been molested or abused,” she said.

“Find a way to get me there, and I’ll get them to vote for it,” Merryn said of the law, which has passed in seven states and is pending in others.

“Today’s the day you find your voice, speak up and tell somebody.”

Merryn visited a child advocacy center in her Illinois home town when she finally told of her abuse.

“When they take a child to the police department to describe their abuse, it only makes them feel like the criminals,” she said.

But the center’s staff was trained to work with kids in a child-friendly atmosphere.

“They were constantly reassuring me, telling me it would never happen again, saying, ‘I believe you,’” she said.

Merryn recalled, that as the older sister, she told her story first and reported back to her sister.

“I told her, ‘They’re nice people. They’ll give you a break if you need one.’”

Like many, Merryn didn’t want to tell her experiences. “I kept trying to change the subject,” she said.

But other children want to share, and the forensic interviewers will show children that a detective is on the other side of the one way mirror. Merryn was told of the detective’s presence after her interview.

“I spent the whole time staring at the mirror,” she said. “So I thought, ‘OK. So I’ve told the person I needed to tell.’”

An advocacy center can access counselors for the victims and their parents to help them overcome the blame, guilt, anger and failure. Advocacy centers also work with the family as they sort their way through the legal processes moving to justice. They help the kids prepare for facing their perpetrators again.

“What’s the one question you wished someone had asked you?” asked another in the audience.

“‘Has anyone ever touched you here?’” Merryn responded immediately.

At that question, she said, she told the investigator of her early abuse at the hands of a neighbor. Without that question, it would have been left unreported, she said.

“When I got asked that, I just regurgitated, got it all out. I’d held it in so long.”

There are 900-some advocacy centers across the United States, Merryn said, and she’s a big supporter.

“CACs are the best-kept secret,” she said. “When I walked out of there, I felt like 10 pounds had been lifted off my shoulders.

“I said, ‘I’m going to come back some day and thank these people.’

“So, thank you. You’re changing the culture. You are role models and heroes.”

AT A GLANCE Signs of Possible Sexual Abuse

◊Child suddenly withdraws from activities, friends and family.

◊Child suddenly exhibits anxiety or fears - becomes clingy, doesn’t

want to go to bed, doesn’t want to go to a certain day care.

◊Child begins acting out sexually.

◊Child begins to regress - wetting pants, sucking thumb.

◊Child becomes physically aggressive - he can’t verbalize his anger.

Kids respond uniquely to sexual abuse. Some become promiscuous;

some don’t. Some turn to drugs and alcohol; some don’t. Talk and sup

port them all the time. Parents will believe reports of abuse, and children

will tell them if they build trust in their relationship.

AT A GLANCE

Children’s Advocacy Center of Benton County

Where: 2113 Little Flock Drive, Rogers

Information: 621-0385, cacbentonco.com

Children’s Safety Center

Where: 614 E. Emma Ave., Springdale

Information: 872-6183, childrenssafetycenter.org

Style, Pages 27 on 09/26/2013