BENTONVILLE — Jessica Hernandez wants to be known as the strong young woman she’s become, not as the girl who was sexually abused by her stepfather for 11 years.
“I’m not going to let what happened to me overtake me,” she said in a recent interview. “I want to be known for the outcome … I’m the person who fought and survived.”
The 18-year-old confronted her abuser this spring at a court hearing in which he pleaded guilty.
“You called me stupid, worthless and a piece of crap. You treated me like an animal: whipping me, hitting me, kicking me and violating me,” Hernandez is quoted in a court transcript.
“Today I choose to forgive you but not excuse your actions,” she continued. “I will be successful and not the slacker you called me.”
Speaking out about the years of abuse has cost the teen a lot. Her family was torn apart, as her stepfather had threatened.
Her mother was deported to Mexico and her siblings were placed in foster care. They’ve since been adopted by an older brother, but her sister continues to resent the fact the life she knew has changed, Hernandez said.
Her mother calls from Mexico asking her to tell the judge she lied so her husband can be released from prison and return to her, the teen said.
“She should have been there to protect me, but she wasn’t. I had to protect her. I tried to protect all of them.”
Victim Impact Statement
The transcript of Jessica Hernandez's statement in court.
Dear Nicholas, when I was six years old you came to live with me and my mom as a husband and as a stepdad to me. I didn't have a dad, so my idea of a dad was one who was loving and playful. Instead of being that you were abusive: Mentally, physically, emotionally, and sexually. I have tried to excuse your behavior because of your drinking, but you stopped drinking and continued hurting me. You called me stupid, worthless, and a piece of crap. You treated me like an animal: Whipping me, hitting me, kicking me and violating me.
Your behavior has destroyed my family. I have broken trust as a result of you and your actions. I no longer have a relationship with my mom or my younger siblings. It was your fault my mom went to jail. It's your fault my family and friends call me a liar. I began to believe your emotional abusive statements about myself to the point where I wanted to die. In an effort to escape your brutality, I used cutting as an emotional release from my pain you inflicted on me. I also tried to escape your actions by using drugs and alcohol. Without you and your actions in my life, I no longer believe your lies. I now treat my body, mind and spirit with the respect that it deserves. All — although all of this, I wish you had made different decision. You were supposed to care for your daughter, instead you abused her in the worst way.
Today, I choose to forgive you but not excuse your actions. I now have a family with parents who love me and care for me. I am on a journey of healing that will allow me to live a life free from your actions. I am now going to be a senior in high school. I will be successful and not the slacker you called me.
Having Her Say
It’s rare for an abuse victim to confront her abuser in court, said Kim Coble, victim assistance coordinator for Benton County Prosecutor’s Office. Hernandez is the first to do so in the five years Coble has been in the job, the coordinator said. Many children write impact statements, which are read by advocates as part of the sentencing process.
“For Jessica to come forward and give herself that kind of closure, to stand up in court and read that impact statement, is really amazing,” Coble said. “She is an extremely rare individual.”
Coble credits Hernandez’ foster parents for some of the teen’s resolve. They’ve provided love and support and encouraged specialized counseling to help Hernandez come to terms with the abuse.
“It was such a relief for her” to face her stepfather in court, Coble said. “She needed to tell him. She needed everyone to hear — including herself — that she was not going to let the abuse define her.”
Hernandez is a role model for other children trapped in similar circumstances, Coble said. The prevalence of child abuse is difficult to determine, but experts agree it’s far greater than reported to authorities.
Studies by the Crimes Against Children Research Center at the University of New Hampshire show one in five girls and one in 20 boys is a victim of sexual abuse.
Just ‘A Game’
The abuse started when Hernandez was 6 years old, she said. Her mother had started living with Ramon Delgado a year before.
Hernandez looked up to Delgado as a father, she recalled. She never knew her biological dad, who was killed when she was an infant.
“I didn’t have a dad, so my idea of a dad was one who was loving and playful,” Hernandez read in her statement. “Instead of being that, you were abusive: mentally, physically, emotionally and sexually.”
Delgado groped and fondled Hernandez in a way she now understands was sexual, she said. Then, she didn’t recognize the behavior as abnormal.
“This is a game,” she said he told her. “Your mom doesn’t need to know. Nobody needs to know. This is a game between you and me.”
The groping became overtly sexual when Hernandez was 11, she said. She had sex education in school by this time and knew the behavior was inappropriate. But she didn’t tell anybody, fearing the consequences Delgado threatened.
She wouldn’t like the outcome if she said anything, he told her. He’d be deported as an illegal immigrant, leaving her mother and younger siblings to fend for themselves.
A sense of loyalty to the rest of the family kept Hernandez from saying anything, she said. She wanted to maintain a stable home for her brother and sister.
“I felt lost. I didn’t know what to do anymore,” she said. “I felt trapped.”
The abuse intensified when Hernandez was 15, she said. Delgado forced intercourse on her, although she tried to fight him off. She would lie on the bed and stare at a picture of God on the bedroom wall, she later told police.
There were several times when Delgado left scratches or bruises, Hernandez said. She told her mother she had fallen or had been fighting at school.
“She fell for it,” Hernandez said. “I feel like my mom was just trying to avoid it.”
Downward Spiral
Hernandez fell in with a bad crowd. She began to drink and do drugs, skip school and sneak out of the house, she said.
“I just didn’t care. I became reckless. I felt like my only escape was doing drugs and alcohol. Everything going on was just a dream. It wasn’t real.”
She ran away the first time at 16, Hernandez said. She cut herself with razor blades, overdosed on pills and threatened suicide. She thought she might be pregnant with Delgado’s child, she said.
She confided the abuse to a friend, who told her own mother, Hernandez said. The woman called Hernandez’s mother. When she got home, her mother sat her down on the daybed next to Delgado.
“Is it true?” she demanded. “Does he abuse you?”
Hernandez was afraid to answer, she said. She didn’t know how to tell any adult. She’d been placed on juvenile court probation for skipping school. She longed to tell the probation officer about the abuse, she said. Yet she remained silent.
“I wanted to let it all out,” she said. “(But) I was too scared to ask. I didn’t know how to bring it up.”
It’s common for children to keep quiet about sexual abuse, said Casey Springer, program director at the Children’s Safety Center in Springdale.
Sometimes they believe they are somehow at fault, she said. Children often are threatened with consequences for themselves or their families.
Children often feel fond of the person who abuses them, Springer noted. Many victims are carefully groomed by their abusers, she said. The attention can feel good to a child with low self-esteem.
Springer likened abuse by a father or stepfather to a box kept in the closet. In the child’s mind, the box is separate from the rest of the relationship.
“Most of the time, all kids want is normalcy. Once in a while, the box comes down, and they deal with it.”
Into The Open
In the fall of her sophomore year in high school, Hernandez ran away again. She threatened suicide if she were returned to her home.
The juvenile court judge ordered her to an emergency shelter, and then to a transitional living program for the rest of the school year. Her stepfather’s sexual abuse continued during occasional visits home, she said.
That February, Hernandez told a friend in the group home about the sexual abuse. A staff member overheard the conversation and reported it.
Detectives interviewed Hernandez at school the next day, according to police reports. She was sent to the Children’s Safety Center for a sexual assault scan.
Detectives also were interested in Delgado’s status as an illegal immigrant, Hernandez said. She provided a list of aliases he worked under. Police arrested Delgado on rape charges the following day. They also filed charges of forgery and identity fraud, according to court reports.
Hernandez’ mother was arrested for identity fraud and subsequently deported to Mexico. Hernandez’ two younger siblings were placed in foster care. Hernandez never intended for her mother and siblings to suffer, she said. She thought police would arrest Delgado, but leave the rest of the family alone.
“I’m not a bad person. I was just trying to save them.”
Delgado admitted the sexual abuse in a plea deal reached with prosecutors in May. He was sentenced to 10 years in prison for rape, with time for the other charges running concurrently. He must serve at least seven years before he is eligible for parole and will be deported to Mexico after his release.
Hernandez’ younger siblings were adopted by an older brother and his wife. Hernandez has two older brothers who were out of the home for most of her growing-up years.
She opted to stay with the foster family she’s lived with since May of last year. In Arkansas, young people can stay in the foster care system until they turn 21.
Advocating For Others
Hernandez tells her story with remarkable calm. A therapy known as EMDR, or eye movement desensitization and reprocessing, has helped her separate herself from the trauma.
She shows the greatest emotion when talking about her mother. The older woman still calls from Mexico, asking Hernandez to recant her story in court. Her mother insists Hernandez is lying or somehow brought the abuse on herself, the teen said.
“She wasn’t on my side. She didn’t believe me. She didn’t care.”
Having someone believe and advocate for the child is essential to healing from sexual abuse, said Kay Pantier, a play therapist with the Children’s Advocacy Center in Bentonville.
Hernandez’ foster parents are playing that role, said Coble, the victim witness coordinator for children in Benton County courts.
Therapeutic intervention also is key, Pantier said. Trauma-focused cognitive behavior therapy and EMDR both have proven records of success, she said.
“The great news is that children can heal from this, even from the most traumatic of circumstances. They can have healthy, hopeful, productive lives.”
Life changes can trigger painful memories, Pantier said. Potential stressors include a move to a new school, a first boyfriend or birth of a child. She recommends “booster sessions” of therapy for people who find themselves in stressful situations.
Hernandez has occasional bad days when she withdraws inside herself, her foster mother said. She asked her name not be used to protect the anonymity of several foster children. For the most part, Hernandez has come remarkably far, her foster mother said.
“I’m impressed with her ability to face this head on. A lot of people would take that experience and feel beaten by it. Jessica’s not that way.
“She wants to do something in spite of — not because of — what happened. It’s made her more determined and more … driven to succeed.”
The teen has stepped into an advocacy role for other young people in the 18 months since she broke her silence.
She’s a member of the state YES team — a youth engagement specialist working to improve the foster care system for all children in the state. The teen also is president of the local youth advisory board through the Department of Human Services. She’s an intern with the Teen Action & Support Center in Rogers.
Hernandez hopes to take her advocacy forward as a police detective. She plans to start college next year, she said. She’s proud of her courage in standing up to Delgado and her decision to continue her outspoken stance.
“I’m not going to let what happened to me overtake me,” she said. “I’m a survivor, not a victim. I hope that lasts for my life.”