WHAT’S IN A DAME

A royal fruitcake for fresh prince

It has been a long time since we did a Windsors wrap-up, so let’s check in with Prince(s) and the Royal-ution. Here’s the latest Buckingham business:

The littlest royal - son of Duke and Duchess of Cambridge William and Kate - was christened last week and welcomed into the Church of England as Prince George Alexander Louis of Cambridge … in a dress. No, in a replica of the lace-and-satin gown traditionally worn by every royal since 1841 … that, by George - or shall we say Boy George? - looks like a dress.

In contrast to the couple’s elaborate wedding, the intimate christening was attended by only 22 family members and close friends. Included were Prince George’s seven (!) godparents, who will, according to the Church of England’s website, “offer encouragement, prayer and support for the child, and help them discover more about the Christian faith as they grow up.” And send him $20 checks on holidays and birthdays, like my godmother still does to this day (oh, thank you and Happy Halloween to you too, Godmother Mary!).

Not named Prince George’s godparents: Kate’s sister Pippa and William’s brother Harry. But apparently in Britain, unlike in the United States, relatives aren’t always picked for the gig. So why, then, was William’s cousin Zara Tindall chosen, hmm? Talk about a royal diss!

After the service, George’s grandfather, Prince Charles, and Charles’ wife, Camilla, Duchess of Cornwall, held a private tea where guests were served slices of christening cake, a tier from William and Kate’s 2011 wedding cake. Who knew that regifting a 2-year old fruitcake (yes, the layer is fruitcake), was such a regal thing to do?

Britain’s royal family recently mixed and mingled with rapper Rick Ross. No, wait, Ross recently remixed 16-year-old New Zealand singer Lorde’s No. 1 hit song titled “Royals.” Wrong royals.

Newspaper headline: Bloomberg ranks Royals next to last in terms of franchise value. It turns out The Royals - worth $530 million - are ranked 29th out of 30 … major league baseball teams. Wrong royals again.

In a Time magazine article about Prince Charles published this month, it is revealed that actress Emma Thompson is a fan of his fine footwork. She is quoted as saying about her old friend, “Dancing with him is better than sex.” Paid for by the Prince Charles for King Campaign, we wonder? Or paid for by the Emma Thompson for Dame Campaign?

A mere three months after giving birth, Kate, The Duchess of Cambridge, flashed her toned post-baby abs recently while playing volleyball - in form-fitting jeggings and platform high-heel wedges - during a visit with young athletes at the visit to the SportsAid Athlete Workshop at the Queen Elizabeth Olympic Park in London. (Conspiracy hoax theorists hold this as “proof” the child was delivered by surrogate.)

Instead of calling her Kate Middleton, we’re calling her Kate Middletiny.

It would be noble if you’d email: [email protected] What’s in a Dame is a weekly report from the woman ’hood.

Style, Pages 29 on 10/29/2013

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