All you wanted to know about the recent Billboard Music Awards.
Q. Really, Billboard has an awards show?
A. Of course! The live, star-studded telecast has been a yearly event since 1992! I never miss it.
Q. I read on Wikipedia where it was cancelled a bunch of years. You’ve never actually watched this awards show have you?
A. Of course I have … in Internet video clips.
Q. Who was the big winner this year?
A. Taylor Swift, who won eight of 11 awards.
Perfect! There’s one for each of the mansions she has bought this year!
Q. Any other winners?
A. Haters of Justin Bieber. The singer was booed for saying, “I’m an artist and I should be taken seriously and all this other bull should not be spoken of ” when he accepted the fan-voted “milestone” award. Considering the content of photos of the 19-year-old that have surfaced lately, perhaps the fans confused it with most stoned award?
Q. Who was the big loser?
A. Khyati.
Q. Who? Is she like Ashanti or Shakira or Ke$ha?
A. She’s one of the women in the crowd who got injured when performer Miguel miscalculated a leap from the stage, missed his mark on the catwalk and slammed into two women (the neck of one was briefly pinned beneath his leg).
Q. Were they hurt?
A. Who cares? Not the people in the crowd, who never stopped smiling and singing. Not the blond gal, who was giddy when the two ailing brunettes were moved out of the way so she could grope the singer. And not Miguel, who continued on with “Adorn” (ironic lyrics: “Baby these fist, uh, will always protect ya, lady/And this mind, ooh, will never neglect you, yeah”) without missing a beat because the awards show must go on.
Q. No really, were they hurt?
A. It seems Khyati experienced minor injuries, and was clutching an ice bag when she was later interviewed with Miguel. No word on the other gal, who will live on in YouTube and Vine infamy forever.
Q. What did Miguel have to say for himself?
A. He Tweeted: “Rockandrollmademedoit” and “got caught up in the moment, thank goodness Khyati is okay.” And he told Billboard: “I think it’s kind of clear what happened. But I’m very happy to bring my new friend, Khyati, we just met. Unfortunately we, did not meet under the best circumstances, but I think we’re OK.”
Q. Isn’t it so sweet and considerate that Miguel bonded with one of the two women he carelessly karate chopped in the head?
A. Yes. We’re completely moved by their instant closeness and we’re positive that they’ll be best buds until the end of time … or until she files the lawsuit.
Q. One final question, um, who the heck is Miguel?
A. No idea.
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[email protected] Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture and a weekly segment on Little Rock’s KURB-FM, B98.5 at 7 a.m.Thursdays. Listen live and hear podcasts at b98.com.
Style, Pages 51 on 05/26/2013