Three famous women recently got married, got married again or got sort-of, maybe kind-of married.
Actress Keira Knightley wed rocker James Righton.
Singer Mariah Carey renewed vows with husband actor Nick Cannon.
And June Shannon might have gotten hitched to Mike Thomspon. Wait, who? You know them as Mama June and Sugar Bear - parents of Honey Boo Boo. But they’re not yet confirming whether they legally tied the knot, so “redneckognize” this: “You’ll have to watch the new season” of Here Comes Honey Boo Boo was all a TLC representative would volunteer to E!.
So which blushing bride wins the wedding battle? Let’s begin.
Keira Knightley
Location: La mairie in Mazan, France. Sounds fussy, frilly and fancy, right? Until you realize “la mairie” means town hall.
Dress: A recycled cream-colored cocktail-length tulle frock. By recycled, we don’t mean the dress, which she wore with flats, was made of re-purposed materials. We mean it appears she previously wore the tulle dress - and was photographed in it - at a party several years ago. Hey, every bride needs something old.
Guests: There were 11 of them, and some wore flip-flops to send off the couple, who made their getaway in a car described as a “battered old Renault Clio.”
Mariah Carey
Location: Carey, an American Idol judge, and Cannon, the America’s Got Talent host, selected Disneyland as the place to say “I do, yet again” on their fifth wedding anniversary and their twins’ second birthday. A horse-drawn Crystal Carriage carried Carey to the Sleeping Beauty Castle for a ceremony officiated by Cinderella’s Royal Footman.
Dress: Royalty-inspired by the fashion house of FG. That’s Fairy Godmother.
Guests: There were 250 of them. That’s not counting the thousands of would-be theme park guests upset Disneyland was shut down for this sappy spectacle. To borrow another Disney character, how Goofy.
Mama June
Location: The Honey Boo Boo family’s Georgia backyard.
Dress: A long cap-sleeve camouflage gown accented with trim and ribbons - hunter orange, of course. The couple rode off into the sunset on an ATV, decked out with tin cans that surely came from double coupon day at the Piggly Wiggly.
Guests: June’s daughters - Honey Boo Boo, Chubbs, Chickadee and Pumpkin-attended, as did friends and family encouraged by producers of the taped event to show up in full redneck attire. As if they needed prompting.
So which bride tied the knot the best?
Sorry, Carey. Maybe when you renew your annual vows next year, princess.
We’re tempted to say Mama June because all that camo kind of scares us.
We’re awarding best wedding to Knightley. Who knew she was such a character? She even out Boo Booed the Boo Boo bunch.
And we hope as a wedding gift, TLC will be giving her a reality show: Morning, Noon and Knightley.
Love, honor, obey, e-mail: [email protected] Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture and a weekly segment on Little Rock’s KURB-FM, B98.5 at 7 a.m.Thursdays. Listen live and hear podcasts at b98.com.
Style, Pages 49 on 05/12/2013