Another cuss fuss

“You have taught me language;

and my profit on’t/ Is, I know how to

curse . . . .” -Caliban, in The Tempest

REMEMBER THOSE long-ago days when your bad behavior at school might have merited a teacher’s note home-and then you’d get in trouble with Mom and, later that evening, with Dad? How quaint. How black-and-white Leave It To Beaver. That was so Eisenhower administration.

Nowadays, when a kid gets into trouble at school, the parents might just sue the school. That’s not an exaggeration. It’s even happened here in deepest, darkest Arkansas, where once upon a time a kid might have been told to go outside and pick out a switch if he uttered the word Dang under his breath. (And it better not be a small switch, either.)

It seems a five-year-old boy at Northside Elementary School in Rogers dropped a few Forbidden Words on campus and was suspended for it. By their taboos ye shall know them: It says something about our society that a vulgarity may bring the strictest punishment while profanity may escape notice, it’s so common. All of which says nothing good.

A five-year-old. Dirty words. A kid doesn’t learn that stuff watching Ernie and Bert. Not that it’s the kid’s fault. He’s just learned how to stir up the grownups. It’s another way to be the center of attention. Maybe even be the subject of a Landmark Case in this lawsuit-happy era. For when institutions aren’t respected, the law inevitably is called on to fill the vacuum of authority. And what kid doesn’t love to get all the alleged adults up in arms?

It apparently wasn’t the first time the kid had demonstrated a talent for Eddie Murphy words. According to court documents, teachers at the school had warned the boy to clean up his language on two earlier occasions. The first time, the school gave him a warning. The second time, the school sent home a letter and asked that his parents sign it. The third time did it. Northside’s principal, Anita Turner, called up Daddy and told him to pick up his son. According to the papers, Dad refused. You won’t be surprised to learn that Dad is a lawyer.

Junior served his time that afternoon in the principal’s office. And that very afternoon Dad-aka Ken Swindle, Esq.-filed a complaint with the Benton Country Circuit Court.

Dad asked the court to order the school board to delete any reference to the suspension from Junior’s file. Also, according to Mr. Swindle, the board should have been prohibited from suspending young children “without adult intervention.”

Are not principals adults? Or maybe by adult intervention, Attorney-At-Law Swindle meant without legal representation. Because it seems the adults at the school intervened well enough. And even gave the kid a chance to straighten himself out. To no avail.

The court dismissed his complaint, so Dad took his case to the state’s Court of Appeals. That court sided with the school board, too. And in the course of its decision noted that Mr. Swindle’s request that the school board wipe his son’s slate clean and-get this-“never suspend him again” lacks “foundation in any source of law.”

What’s that again?Common sense in the courtroom? Yes, even in these extra-litigious days. Lo and behold!

LEST WE FORGET-and some of us may have done so-schools aren’t just places where children are taught 2 plus 2 equals 4 and how to spell C-A-T. Schools are also places where children learn how to be . . . children, nice children. To go down the list of things to be learned, just in part: How to play well with others. How to sit in your own seat. How to share the playground. How to keep your hands to yourself during lunch and not help yourself to other kids’ apple slices. How to respect authority. How to disagree without being disagreeable. How not to cuss a blue streak. And so properly on.

Being part of a classroom, being part of a school, is a way to develop social skills that a kid will need out there in the real world. Academics are important, to say the least. But even the most intelligent among us is going to have trouble keeping a job if he’s dropping verbal bombs all around the office-and daring the bosses to do something about it.

There’s also something to be said for the other children at Northside in Rogers-a lot of something. They deserve a place to learn their ABCs without all the cussin’ from their dear classmate.

It’s a lesson that may have to be learned again and again. Because, contrary to the ever popular belief, rules are not meant to be broken. And if they are, consequences should follow. Even if Daddy is a lawyer.