Wednesday, June 26, 2013
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I got great seats for the Rolling Stones when tickets for their tour first went on sale. But since then I’ve learned that I have to take a business trip that will conflict with the concert. When someone at work overheard me complaining about this, he told me he’d love to take his son to see the Stones. So I sold “Mike” my tickets for the price I’d paid, though I knew they were worth a lot more. A few days later, I discovered that he was selling them on StubHub for $200 more than he’d paid me. What should I do?
DEAR DAVID: Does this guy even have a child? No matter. What you should do is tell Mike that you sold him the tickets because he said he wanted to take his son to the concert, that you see he’s selling them on StubHub for $200 more than he paid you, and that you’d like them back so that you can resell them to someone who truly wants to go, not someone who wants to make a fast buck off of them and off of you.
What you also should do is hold this conversation in front of as many co-workers as possible. Mike deserves the embarrassment, and they may appreciate the heads-up regarding their colleague’s ethics.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: I was good friends with my father-in-law’s second wife. When “Lynn” died, she left me her Barbie doll collection in her will. Both of us liked playing with Barbies when we were young, and she enjoyed showing me her dolls. Because their boxes are missing and they are worn from play, Lynn’s Barbies are worth very little. Still, my father-in-law refuses to give them to me because he wants to sell them and keep the money (he’s greedy, not needy). Is there any way to get the Barbies without causing a feud? I’d love to have them to remember Lynn by.
DEAR BARBARA: Getting them is easy: Hire a lawyer to inform the court that your father-in law is refusing to abide by the terms of his wife’s will and is denying you your inheritance. And don’t let anyone tell you that, in doing so, you started a family feud. Your father-in-law is the one who started the trouble when he refused to give you what is rightfully yours.
OK, so you don’t want to sic a lawyer on your husband’s father. Then, assuming your husband has already tried reasoning with him - and failed - offer to buy the Barbies. (To avoid squabbling over price, tell your father-in-law that you’ll match the best offer he receives.) We know, they’re yours and you shouldn’t have to pay for them. But if you want the dolls without the feud, you don’t have much choice.
Or maybe your husband can get a little tougher with his dad. The old man’s behavior is unconscionable, and your husband should be telling him that.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My mother, who is not rich, confided in me that she “lent” my brother “Jason” $11,000 to pay off his credit cards - $11,000 that she’ll never see again. My sister “Heather” thinks Jason is a horrible sponge who’s always taking advantage of our mother (Heather’s right). If she hears about this “loan,” she’ll go ballistic and never speak to Jason again. Should I keep Mom’s secret, or tell Heather?
DEAR TROUBLED: Why does Heather have to be the enforcer? Why aren’t you confronting your brother about his raid on your mother’s limited resources?
There’s no reason for you to betray your mother’s confidence by speaking to Heather - not yet, at least. Instead, tell your brother that unless he promptly repays the 11 grand and quits hitting your mother up for dough, he’s going to have two siblings who refuse to speak to him.
Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?
Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at [email protected]
Family, Pages 35 on 06/26/2013