Justin Arment never intended to be a single parent, but when his wife left him and their two children on his 23rd birthday he joined the increasing number of men going it alone across the United States.
Arment, who was medically discharged from the U.S. Marine Corps around the same time, is now divorced and has full custody of his children, Jaycie, 2, and Connor, who is almost 3 and has autism.
He moved from California to Farmington a few months ago to stay with family, but a full-time job is elusive. He searches online job postings weekly and schedules interviews during his children’s nap time when a relative will stay with them. He says he has been rejected by potential employers who deem him overqualified, but he’s not licensed in the private sector for the kind of work he did in the military. Unless and until the GI Bill comes through for him, he can’t afford tuition and special-needs child care to go back to school to prepare for a new career.
LIFE GOES ON
He depends largely on his unemployment check to pay the bills, although he does have a weekend job as a bouncer at a bar in the area, leaving for work after his children are asleep for the night and often returning just before they wake up.
His children’s needs don’t stop just because of his life’s stress.
“I change their diapers, put clothes on them and feed them breakfast and then I try to catch a couple of hours of sleep while they watch a movie, but they’re in my room with me and my door has a lock on it so I know where they are and they’re safe,” he says. “My daughter is usually sitting on my chest, wanting my attention. That’s just how it goes. Sometimes I feel like I just really need a break but that doesn’t happen often.”
A recent Pew Research Center analysis of Census Bureau data shows that in 2011, 8 percent of American households with minor children were headed by single fathers, up from 1 percent in 1960, a ninefold increase. That translates to 300,000 single fathers - men whose minor children lived or stayed with them for at least two months - in 1960 to 2.6 million in 2011.
That’s still not a lot, comparatively speaking. During that same time, the number of families headed by single mothers rose from 1.9 million to 8.6 million. The numbers include men who are separated, divorced, widowed or never married and those who are living with a nonmarital partner or in a household separate from their own spouse, but they don’t reflect single fathers who are living in a household headed by someone else.
In Arkansas, the percentage of households led by single fathers is slightly lower. According to a 2007 to 2011 American Community Survey by the U.S. Census Bureau, there were 48,104 male heads of household with no wife present, representing 4.3 percent of households in the state. During that same time, there were 149,710 female heads-of-household with no husband present, representing 13.4 percent of the state’s households.
WHERE’S THE VILLAGE?
The challenges faced by single fathers are no different from those experienced by single mothers, Michael Lacey of North Little Rock concedes.
But, he says, “There’s nothing out there for single dads.”
Lacey, who works full time in the information technology field, picks up his 3-year-old son, Isaac, from day care every afternoon and takes him home for dinner, playtime, bath and bed. He has tried to connect with other single parents but has had little luck.
“I got shunned because I’m a single dad. The others at the meet-ups I went to were all single mothers. After one meet-up I was totally shunned and me and my son walked out,” Lacey said. “I get dirty looks all the time from women and from other parents. They’re all like, ‘What are you doing with him?His mommy should be taking care of him.’ I say she left, that’s the end of it. It’s not easy being a single father. You get treated pretty rough by society.”
Amy Webb, director of communications with the Arkansas Department of Human Services, says everyone applying for help through the Supplemental Nutrition Assistance Program, child-care assistance program, Medicaid and other DHS programs are required to follow the same process and submit the same documentation to qualify.
Ed Barham, public information officer at the Arkansas Department of Health, says the same is true for aid through Women, Infants and Children (WIC), which provides supplemental nutritional services.
Barham was a single father for a time, having primary custody of his now-grown son from the time the boy was 8 until he was 12.
There may not be as many resources for single fathers, he says, “But I think on the other hand they have advantages that their female counterparts don’t. We usually make more money and have for a long time. There is some compensation in that, that your salary is going to be higher no matter what you’re doing than what your female counterpart can make. That’s not fair, but that’s the truth.”
MONEY MATTERS
Single parents in general, according to the Pew Research study, are typically less educated and not as financially stable as married parents, and they are younger and less likely to be white.
But as Barham assumes, households headed by single fathers are often better off financially than those headed by single mothers.
Education is a big factor in that equation.
Pat Schram, executive assistant at the Arkansas Single Parent Scholarship Fund, says that in 2005, 0.28 percent - or 31 - of the 11,036 single parents who were awarded scholarships through that organization’s affiliates were single fathers. In 2012, single fathers made up 0.49 percent of the 13,043 scholarships, or 64 men.
Nationwide, the Pew Research study shows about 19 percent of single fathers lack a high school diploma, compared to 10 percent of married fathers who are without one. Just 17 percent of single fathers have bachelor’s degrees, compared to 40 percent of married fathers.
And while single fathers with two children have median adjusted incomes of about $40,000, that falls short of the $70,000 median for households with married fathers. Single mother-headed households, by comparison, have a median adjusted income of $26,000.
A HELPING HAND
Scott Carrington of Siloam Springs applied for a scholarship through the Single Parent Scholarship Fund in the fall,when benefits from his prior service in the U.S. Navy were about to run out and he was looking for a way to continue working toward his degree in computer engineering.
Carrington, 32, has his daughter, Alyssa, who is almost 3, nights and weekends - most of the time that he’s not going to classes at the University of Arkansas at Fayetteville or working at his part-time job, bartending and operating karaoke. His ex-wife, who works evenings, takes care of their daughter during the day.
He was originally reluctant to apply because he, too, has found that, generally, support for single parents is geared toward mothers.
“It’s just expected that the mom is going to be taking care of the kids,” he says. “The dad doesn’t have anything to do with it, I guess.”
Carrington is trying to complete his degree in a year and a half rather than the two or more years it would otherwise take him to finish.
“When I have her, my time is devoted to her. I don’t get to start my homework until about 10 o’clock at night,” says Carrington, who spends his daughter’s waking hours pushing her on playground swings, reading her I Am a Bunny and deciphering her made-up words, like “cookerator,” which means “microwave.” “It’s difficult, but I think it’s worth it.”
Like Carrington, Arment takes exception to the perceived bias against single fathers.
“Society says it’s a woman’s place to raise children, not a man’s,” Arment says. “A lot of people believe the woman should take care of the children and the men should put food on the table. I don’t agree with that.”
For now, he’s doing what he has to do to take care of his kids.
He doesn’t have much free time, and he hasn’t had much luck in the dating area.
“Women won’t even take a second look at you if you have kids,” he says. “Now when I go out, I have to be careful because if I get serious about a woman, I have to think about whether she will be a good role model for my kids.”
Still, he holds out hope.
“I hope to get married again someday,” he says, “because I believe kids need both a mother and a father.”
Family, Pages 34 on 07/24/2013