Indians need a new roster of fake names
It’s possible the Cleveland Indians might be staying at another hotel the next time they are in Minneapolis to play the Minnesota Twins.
It appears there was some kind of error made when the Indians’ rooming list from this weekend’s series made its way into the hands of another guest. Of course, somewhere along the way, that list made its way onto the Internet.
It’s safe to assume some of the players won’t be using the same pseudonyms in Minneapolis or any future road trip. Interesting names appearing on the list included:
Jake Taylor (as in the Indians catcher in the movie Major League), Denzel Washington, Carmen Electra, Tar Zann, Mr. Romeo, Dick Tracy, J. Lo, Shania Twain and Jed Clampett.
A look at the current Indians roster shows players like Nick Swisher, Justin Masterson, Michael Bourn, Jason Giambi, Carlos Santana and Mark Reynolds not appearing on the rooming list.
Also noticeably missing from the coaches and staff rooming list was Manager Terry Francona.
Doing some damage
Thomas Bjorn managed to smash an ESPN camera worth around $80,000 during Thursday’s first round of the British Open.
The Danish golfer was trying to recover after hitting his first shot into the rough on the opening hole. As he hacked his way back into the fairway he managed to hit the ball right into an ESPN camera, breaking the camera’s lens in the process.
Even worse for Bjorn, though, was that the ricochet off the camera left him in an even worse position on his way to a double bogey.
An ESPN commentator after watching the shot soar into the air said, “Our camera [was] down the fairway, but obviously when you get the ball into that high, wispy stuff you have no idea where it is going to come out.”
He then joked, “And that is an $80,000 bill heading to Denmark, with the name Thomas Bjorn on it.”
Bjorn should be able to put a good down payment on a new camera as he sits at 6-over-par and in a tie for 25th place heading into today’s final round.
They said it
Comedian Argus Hamilton, on the NFL’s run of player arrests: “It’s gotten so bad that the New England Patriots just hired Robert Shapiro to be the team’s defensive coordinator.”
Comedy writer Alan Ray, on telltale signs that sprinter Tyson Gay was using performance enhancing drugs: “At a recent meet he broke a personal best - of Chuck Yeager’s.”
NBC’s Jay Leno, on the dying Cleveland fan who requested six Browns players serve as his pallbearers: “The bad news? They fumbled the coffin 5 yards from the grave.”
Greg Cote of The Miami Herald, on the Miami Spice’s 2-0 start in the fledgling Bikini Basketball Association: “I don’t know much about the BBA. I just pray it’s a women’s league.”
Headlines
From the satirical website sportspickle.com: “Astros’ All-Star representative amazed by everyone making contact in batting practice.”
From the satirical website TheOnion.com: “Prince Fielder dominates home-run eating contest.”
Quote of the day
“Actually I’m not in a high-pressure situation because I’m only going to have dinner. I’m so good with a knife and fork now, I don’t feel any pressure at all.” Lee Westwood on being in the lead at the British Open after 54 holes
Sports, Pages 24 on 07/21/2013