In the 1924 surrealist film “Entr’acte” by the great French director Rene Clair, we are treated to the spectacle of watching the famous painter and poet Francis Picabia leap up and down next to a cannon in slow motion (hey, I said it was a surrealist film). The scene speaks to me as it perfectly recreates my behavior inside an Arvest Bank exactly five months ago.
My story starts this past August when I stepped inside a local store to pay for a few incidentals. Now the singer Tom Waits once sang “You’re innocent when you dream.” but I can attest you are also innocent when you give your check card to a bored store clerk with large strong hands.
There was a loud “CRACK” as he swiped my card through the stationary sensor. With a mumbled “sorry” he handed me back my now slightly broken plastic card. Closer examination revealed the card had a crack about halfway through the center. No problem, I thought, I’ll just drop by the bank and pick up a new one. Little did I know what fate and Arvest Bank had in store for me: They wanted $5 dollars to replace my damaged card.
Full Discloser: I have been and still am a satisfied client of Arvest Bank for the past 25 years. Heck, my house was built by David Short, who just retired as CEO and president of Arvest Bank this past year. But do you think any of that mattered to the smiling bank clerk? No, they had a policy to maintain and, by gosh, they were not going to be swayed by my whining words of “but it wasn’t my fault!” Cue my salute to the acting skills of Francis Picabia.
The real issue I had was the actual cost to Arvest for the plastic had to be roughly 2 cents per card, maybe 4 cents if you include interest carry. Then I remembered something Picabia once wrote: “The only way to win is to fight on the side of your adversaries.” I slowly devised a strategy. Carefully covering the crack with clear Scotch tape, my plan was to hold out for five months until Arvest would automatically send me a new one when mine passed the expiration date.
At first it was easy, despite the occasional looks clerks or waiters gave me. I was simultaneously striking a blow against “The Man” while also saving myself the aforementioned $5. (Did I mention it wasn’t my fault it cracked?) But as the months rolled by, it seemed my situation worsened. Soon more tape was needed; the crack started spreading faster than the line at Cabela’s to buy an AR-15 Bushmaster gun.
All of this brings me back to my recent viewing of surrealist films that are noted for their sometimes fantastic combinations in images or concepts. It occurred to me in my dogged pursuit to save $5 that others in Benton County did not necessarily share my enthusiasm. In a word, art now seemed to be imitating reality.
Imagine my confusion then when I read the Benton County Sheriff’s Office was trading in their Dodge Chargers for 10 new Chevy Tahoes. For starters, the Tahoes will cost $19,000 more than the Dodges, then there are fuel costs. If you gun its engine at a stoplight, that’s $13.89 right there.
When you add the facts that you are three times more likely to have a roll-over in a Tahoe compared to a sedan and 16 times more likely to kill the occupants of another vehicle when you are driving a large SUV involved in an accident, you’ve got to ask yourself: What are we getting for all this extra cost and risk?
According to Sheriff Kelley Cradduck, the Tahoes are more rugged and can better handle the sometimes rough county roads. As to the extra fuel cost, he expects to recover more than that cost in reduced maintenance. Wow, who knew the Chevy Tahoe actually performs like an economy car, except in reverse? Upon further reflection, I think Rene Clair could put both the sheriff and me in his next surrealism film.
Despite the poor example being set by Benton County, I was too close to my new replacement card delivery date to back out now. Then, this past Thursday, the shiny new card arrived from Arvest Bank. Yes, I think I jumped higher than Picabia did when I opened that envelope.
SEY YOUNG IS A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN, HUSBAND, FATHER AND LONGTIME RESIDENT OF BENTONVILLE.