The Case of the Maltese Toilet Lid

Detective Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone) appears to look for clues to how some of the stuff on PropertyRoom.com got there.

Detective Sherlock Holmes (Basil Rathbone) appears to look for clues to how some of the stuff on PropertyRoom.com got there.

Tuesday, January 8, 2013

— PropertyRoom.com offers no clue to where an item came from, no report on how the police got hold of it. The shopper is free to make up his own cops-and robbers story. In fact, some things practically demand investigation, if only fictional:

A toilet stool.

Holmes inventoried the crime scene. “As I feared, Watson,” he said. “They took everything but the kitchen sink.”

A deadbolt.

Friday knew he was in for a long night’s search. Somewhere in the city, a door was open.

Hardware for mounting a flat-screen TV to the wall.

At a glance, Columbo suspected the TV was gone.

A glass ball with Santa Claus painted on it.

Spade had a hunch the Grinch stole it.

A bust of Darth Vader.

To Callahan, it was the same miserable story all over again. Somebody had gone to the Dark Side.

A pair of water buffalo horns.

Batman knew the answer. “The Joker swiped these,” he said, “just for yaks.”

A soil chemical and water monitor for growing plants indoors.

McGarrett sniffed the air. “Danno,” he said, “I think we just missed Willie Nelson.”

A gun-cleaning kit for big game rifles.

Finally, Mason had found a clue - one the police missed - that explained why the case was full of holes.

A sink faucet attachment with LED lights that make hot water look red, and cold water look blue.

Tracy read the online description of the property - a gizmo that was said to create “a streaming fantasia of multicolored bliss.”

“I don’t care who stole the plumbing, Sam,” he said. “But this copywriter ought to be arrested.”

Style, Pages 32 on 01/08/2013