LITTLE ROCK — DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My sister divorced her husband 20 years ago, but recently he moved back in with her. “Mike” is supposed to help with expenses, in exchange for which he gets to stay in her house for as long as he lives. I’m worried, though. “Peggy” has promised her ex a home for the rest of his life, while Mike’s obligations couldn’t be more vague. What happens if his idea of helping with expenses turns out to be nothing more than paying the cable bill? Or if he invites a girlfriend to move in? Or if my sister needs to sell her house? Peggy says she and her ex are not romantically involved and acknowledges that she doesn’t need his financial help. What can I say to convince her that this ill-considered plan is just asking for trouble?
- D.E.
DEAR D.E.: Maybe trouble is what she’s looking for.
Apparently your sister wants Mike for a roommate,despite the obvious inequity in the arrangement. Maybe she sees romance in their future. Maybe she’s tired of living alone. Or maybe she just feels sorry for the guy. Whatever’s up, all you can do is share your very reasonable concerns with your sister and then respect her decision.
And you can always start looking for a good lawyer. If it turns out that Peggy should have heeded your warning, she’s probably going to need one.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: A while back, I gave money to the local animal shelter. Now I receive a solicitation from them every few weeks. I don’t plan to contribute more than once a year to this organization, and I hate to see them waste money - including mine - by sending me letters. How can I get them to stop? I have friends who are involved with the shelter, and I don’t want to offend them.
- B.P.
DEAR B.P.: Contact the director of the shelter, explain that you’re happy to make one donation a year, and ask that they stop bombarding you with mail. Make it clear that your continued support rests on their honoring your request, and the director will find a way to make it happen. Don’t worry, no one will be offended. You won’t be the first supporter to ask the people at the shelter to kindly stop barking for more.
DEAR JEANNE & LEONARD: My sister and Iown a beach house together. Even though “Chloe” lives much closer to it, she leaves all of the maintenance work for me. Also, she’s not good about paying her share of expenses, and she hogs the place in the summer. So what my wife and I want to do is buy Chloe out, and we have good reason to believe my sister would be happy to sell us her share. But we fear she’ll want to delay the transaction, in hopes that the vacation real estate market will rebound and she’ll be able to get a better price from us. Any advice? - Joey
DEAR JOEY: While co-owners don’t get much worse than Chloe, the one thing you can’t blame her for is wanting to get the highest possible price for her share of the house. That’s no different from you wanting to buy her out when the price is low. Buyers and sellers alwayshave conflicting interests, and neither has cause to complain about the other’s agenda.
But to answer your question: Tell Chloe that co-ownership isn’t working for you, and make her a limited-time offer for her share of the house, one with, say, a onemonth expiration date. If she still drags her feet, you might remind her that buying her out is not your only play - that you’re also free to sell your share of the house and that you can force a sale of the property if you have to.
Hate to play hardball? OK. But then prepare to pay next summer’s price for Chloe’s share of the beach house.
are the authors of Isn’t ItTheir Turn to Pick Up the Check?
Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at
Family, Pages 38 on 02/27/2013