LITTLE ROCK — WORD has it that Barack Obama’s campaign staff began to refer to “Joe Bombs” way back during the 2008 election. When somebody in the press would ask the campaign to comment on what Joe Biden had just said, aides would be called on to dodge or disable that day’s Joe Bomb. The rest of us might have been only embarrassed by Mr. Biden’s wit-and-wisdom, but imagine being a worn-out campaign worker, living on coffee and three hours’ sleep, and having to deal with this kind of message several times a week: “Joe Bomb No. 19 on line 2.”
Remember the glowing terms Mr. Biden used to describe Barack Obama when he first appeared on the national scene as a presidential hopeful? Why, he was “clean”-and “articulate” too! (Groan.) And once he was elected president, remember how the world’s bad guys were going to challenge a novice like that as soon as he was inaugurated? (Groan again.) How avoid the swine flu? Stay off airplanes! (Another groan. With him they never stop.)
Then there was Mr. Biden’s vulgar comment, made to the president of the United States, face-to-face, at a press conference, before God and everybody, about what a big deal Obamacare was when it got past Congress. No need to repeat that exact quote in a family newspaper. Unlike our vice president, we do have some standards.
Some say Joe Biden plans to run for president in three years. Run, Hillary, run.
THE LATEST embarrassment out of the vice president’s mouth (at least at press time) was his “advice” on how to protect yourself at home should you ever need to.
After that horror in Newtown, Conn., just before Christmas, the nation is once again grappling with what to do about guns, if anything. More gun control? Or just more guns? Get rid of ’em all? Or arm teachers? Both sides are adamant and sincere enough. It’s a conversation we all need to have. But could we have it without Joe Biden’s idiocies?
Apparently not.
In an interview with Parents magazine-we’re not kidding-our vice embarrassment was asked about gun control, and how innocent homeowners would go about protecting themselves in case of trouble.
Here’s his sage counsel:
“If you wanna protect yourself, get a double-barreled shotgun, have the shells, a 12-gauge shotgun, and I promise you, as I told my wife, we live in an area that’s wooded and somewhat secluded, said, ‘Jill, if there’s ever a problem, just walk out on the balcony here-walk out and put that double barreled shotgun and fire two blasts outside the house, I promise you whoever’s coming in is not gonna-’ You don’t need an AR-15. It’s harder to aim. It’s harder to use. And in fact you don’t need 30 rounds to protect yourself. Buy a shotgun. Buy a shotgun.”
We triple-checked that quote-to make sure it wasn’t some joker having a little fun on the Internet, or maybe a Chinese hacker. Nobody would blame you, Gentle Reader, if you thought we’d just made that one up. Because surely not even Joe Biden would say such an addlepated thing. But he did. Not only is the quote correct, but, unfortunately, in character.
This latest interview with The Hon. Joseph Biden provides us in the editorializing business with what the military calls a Target Rich Environment. Let’s take it from the top, shall we?
If you wanna protect yourself, get a double-barreled shotgun.
Why, thank you very much, Mr. Vice President. Don’t mind if we do. A double-barreled shotgun would come in mighty handy in a duck blind. And no doubt staring down the business end of one would be a frightening experience. Though it’s hard to imagine the vice president’s wife, dear lady, charging out of Number One Observatory Circle waving one around. Wouldn’t the Secret Service have something to say about that?
And a 12-gauge double-barreled shotgun at that? My, my, my. What about the petite women we know who would be knocked over backward by the kick of the thing?
Now, before we get letters, let’s all acknowledge that there are plenty of ladies who can handle 12-gauge shotguns just fine, thank you. But what about Little Miss 5-foot-nothing? A 12-gauge is likely to bruise her shoulder, but good. And after the first shot, the gun might just be spinning at her feet, which does her no good as a defensive tool.
And if the vice president’s wife were to take her husband’s advice, and step out of her home in Washington, D.C., to fire off two 12-gauge, double-barreled shotgun blasts to fend off the baddies . . . now she’s unarmed. Or at least unloaded. At that point, she’d have to (1) break down the double-barreled shotgun, (2) expel the spent shells, and (3) load two more good ones before she’d be ready to shoot again. Giving the bad guys time to plan, maybe even rush her. And you’d have to assume there’d be more’n one bad guy, because by then they’d have overwhelmed the Secret Service.
AR-15’s harder to aim and use?
Really? We can’t even crack wise about that one. It’s simply not true. The aforementioned Little Miss 5-footnothing would probably handle the AR-15 a lot better than a 12-gauge. And she wouldn’t have to fiddle with breaking one down every second shot, either. But then, that’s the real world. Joe Biden lives elsewhere.
PUTTING all this silly stuff aside-though it’s not easy to do when discussing Joe Biden-his comments lead to a more pertinent question:
Where does the vice president get off telling folks what kind of guns they should or shouldn’t have, anyway?
For a man who is sworn to defend the Constitution of the United States-which includes a right to bear arms-he sounds infringing enough. Who is he to say that shotguns are preferable to rifles or pistols? And who is he to say Americans get only two shots to defend ourselves? (‘Cause that’s all a double-barreled shotgun is capable of at a time.) Suppose a homeowner is confronted by three or more intruders? Uh, oh.
Oh, that’s right. Joe Biden is absolutely certain about all this, as he is about everything else He said twice in his interview: A shotgun is all you’d ever need to protect the old homestead. He promises.
You’ve got to hand it to the vice president. He may be wrong, but he’s rarely in doubt. If he ever gets tired of his day job, he’d make a heckuvan editorial writer.
Our completely unsolicited advice to the vice-embarrassment: Give fewer interviews. You’ll come out ahead. Besides, how many people do you think are interested in what you think we need in the ol’ gun case? Americans like to make up their own mind about that kind of thing. And as long as there’s a Second Amendment to the Constitution, we’ll stay that way.
Our advice to everybody else: Pray for the health of the president.
Editorial, Pages 10 on 02/25/2013