LITTLE ROCK — DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD: My wife’s sister and her husband pride themselves on being “green” and, in particular, not owning a car. While they are able to take public transportation or ride their bikes most places, my wife’s parents live way out in the country, so my wife and I have to drive her sister and brother-in-law whenever there’s a family gathering out there (about once a month). We’ve been doing this for a couple of years, and not once have they offered to buy gas or reciprocate in any way. This wouldn’t bother me so much if they weren’t always bragging about how they would never pay a dime to an oil company. What should I do?
- Fed Up
DEAR FED UP: Buy a two-passenger car. We’re only half kidding. You are under no obligation to provide a car service for people who pride themselves on not owning an automobile. Don’t want a sports car? Then you havetwo choices. One is to ask your in-laws directly to share the cost of the trip. Or you can make it a point to stop for gas every time they’re in your car. They may never pull out a credit card, but at leastthey’ll be forced to confront the reality that someone has to pay an oil company for them to get around.
We vote for the first option, and here’s why: Your wife’s sister and brother-inlaw are not just hypocrites; they are freeloaders of the first rank. Everyone knows that it’s expensive to buy, maintain and insure a car. But these folks are using the pretense of environmentalpurity to dodge their obligation to help with some of these expenses, even though they rely on you to chauffeur them around. So we suggest that the next time you take them to your wife’s parents,’ you make it a point to stop for gas and, while the tank is filling, say, with a warm smile and not a trace of resentment in your voice: “How’d you like to take a turn buying the gas this time? It’s a long drive, you know.”
DEAR JEANNE AND LEONARD: My friend “Joe” had been looking for work for about eight months when I told him about a job opening at the company where I work. I also wrote a letter of recommendation to the HR department for him and followed up with a phone call to the hiring manager. Joe got the job, and now here’s the problem: My company gives employees a bonus of $1,000 if they refer a new employee to the company and the new employee performs satisfactorily for six months. Joe’s six months is coming up, and he’s asked for half of my referral bonus.He says I wouldn’t be getting it if he hadn’t taken the job. I think Joe should be grateful that I helped him find work. But I’m wondering, am I being greedy in wanting to keep the whole bonus?
- Cindy M
DEAR CINDY: Your friend Joe has it backward. He owes you something for all you did to get him that job - say, a nice dinner out or a bottle of good wine. For his six months on the job, Joe has been getting precisely what he’s entitled to: a paycheck. Especially given his eight prior months of unemployment, he should be happy to be getting that paycheck, thanking you for making it possible, and not asking for a piece of what they’re paying you. Bottom line: He didn’t earn thatbonus. You did.
Jeanne Fleming and Leonard Schwarz are the authors of Isn’t It Their Turn to Pick Up the Check?
Dealing With All of the Trickiest Money Problems Between Family and Friends (Free Press, 2008). E-mail them at
Family, Pages 36 on 02/20/2013