“What, what, what, what, what?”
— Macklemore and Lewis
That opening refrain from the song “Thrift Shop” was echoing in my ears when I read of two startling news stories this past week: County Judge Bob Clinard was turned down in his request for a raise and the newly opened downtown restaurant “The Hive” is featuring a pimento cheese appetizer.
Let’s start with the latter first. I have a real problem with pimento cheese. Let me explain why. Growing up fairly poor in the South, lunch often consisted of a piece of baloney or peanut butter between two slices of white bread my Mom always bought economically at the thrift store for half-price. To wash it down, I had a glass of powdered milk, with which I always needed to be wary of lumps of not-quite-dissolved milk powder.
I developed a strategy of getting invited to friends’ houses for lunch where occasionally I might score a hamburger, hot dog, or best of all, my own Coke to drink with the meal. My downfall came one summer day when my new friend, Bob, asked me to stay over for lunch.
I remember walking in his kitchen where I watched his Mom pull out a large cookie sheet along with the biggest jar of mayonnaise I had ever seen. She next took a loaf of bread and expertly lined the tray with individual slices. My young eyes were simply not prepared for what I saw next. Taking a large serving spoon, she began putting an enormous dollop of mayonnaise on each individual bread slice!
“What are we having?” I shyly stammered.
“Why we’re having our family favorite: mayonnaise sandwiches,” she replied brightly.
Things got worse, after putting another slice of bread on top of the gel-like mass. She proceeded to apply even more of the mayonnaise on top of the bread and then placed to entire tray in a preheated oven for 10 minutes.
I must confess, dear reader, from that moment on, I began my hatred of all things mayonnaise. While I am quite aware there are literally millions of people who like that stuff, proof of my opinion is no better stated than, if you leave it out in the sun for a few hours, it can kill you.
Well, I don’t need to tell you pimento cheese is nothing more than my dreaded childhood fear disguised with some pimentos. The Hive’s Chef Matthew McClure has said his aim is to bring the best out of area ingredients with his refined country cooking, but to quote a famous sportscaster, “Come on, man!”
This brings me back to Judge Clinard and my other “What?” moment. Bob Clinard became my hero the day I read about his shutting down the “free ponds” program that had apparently existed for decades for the favored few in Benton County. It seems the county would come out and dig you a free pond in exchange for the “dirt.” As soon as Clinard found out about it, as a video game says, “Game over.”
Altogether, Clinard has saved taxpayers more than $500,000 dollars by implementing such common-sense ideas as filing for rebates and moving county offices out of leased space and into county-owned buildings. This led Clinard to request a $12,000 raise that, unfortunately, was turned down by the Personnel Committee. One member stated he was “concerned about the effect on other elected officials.”
That is exactly why he should had voted for it.
In the song “The Boxer,” Paul Simon writes:
I am just a poor boy
Though my story’s seldom told
I have squandered my resistance
For a pocket full of mumbles such are promises
All lies and jests
Still a man hears what he wants to hear
And disregards the rest
We live in an era of extreme disappointment in many of our elected officials. Either they simply don’t lead or they work hard at doing absolutely nothing. Just this Saturday, as an example, a candidate for governor stated he had no position on whether to expand state Medicaid coverage. Really?
Albert Camus once said “Stupidity has a knack of getting its way.” Bob, if the county won’t give you that raise, can I buy you lunch? We can go to The Hive, and I’ll even order you that pimento cheese sandwich, but only if you insist. I do have my standards, too.
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SEY YOUNG IS A LOCAL BUSINESSMAN, HUSBAND, FATHER AND LONGTIME RESIDENT OF BENTONVILLE.