How it’s done

No ad libbing from the script

Friday, December 20, 2013

FROM THE audience’s perspective, we see a group of reporters, mostly with their backs to us, either outside a courtroom or at a hastily called news conference. The Beautiful People are wielding microphones. The rumpled-shirt types are holding pens and notebooks. Everybody is milling and mumbling. Suddenly the lights from the video cameras come on, and the milling MEDIA PACK turns to the right to see the star’s entrance.

TV REPORTER 1: Here he comes! Are you rolling?

CAMERAMAN 1: We’re rolling.

MEDIA PACK: (Muttering.)

A politician (POL) splits the crowd of media types and steps up to his place in front of the PACK. Once on the podium and behind the lectern, he faces them and the audience. Some other people (FAMILY) suddenly appear behind him.

POL: Thank you all for coming hereon such short notice. I have a statement to read. (Ahem.) I’m sorry if my actions offended anybody. I didn’t do anything wrong and I’ll never do it again. Mistakes were made. I take full responsibility for what happened but my accountants didn’t tell me everything. I’ll make full restitution for the stuff that’s somebody else’s fault, for example, my top aide/chief fundraiser/office secretary/anybody-but-me, but I won’t throw anybody under the bus just to satisfy this media-driven controversy. Besides, others have done far worse. My political opponents and Them Lyin’ Newspapers are out to get me. I would remind you that the authorities found I did nothing illegal, uh, criminal. And the prosecuting attorney says he’s not interested in the case, which means I am innocent, vindicated, an officer-and-a-gentleman and a sterling character all around. And I won’t comment further because I don’t want to try this in the media.

TV REPORTER 2: Sir, does this mean-

POL: It was the booze. And the stress of serving the public. Besides, my son’s legal problems have-(shouting)-YOU MEDIA JACKALS KEEP MY FAMILY OUT OF IT!

FAMILY: (They nod and cross their arms.)

NEWSPAPER REPORTER 1: Do you plan to-

POL: I don’t like your tone nor do I agree with the premise of your question. I have put all this behind me. We have people working on improving my website now, a task force has been formed, and my wife has forgiven me. Besides, the Good Book says . . . .

YOU KNOW how the play goes. You’ve seen it before. Hundreds of times if you’re a glutton for public rationalizations. And if you are, you might have noticed a small story on one of the inside pages just this past Wednesday. Well, it wasn’t a very long story. It didn’t even have a byline. Call it a brief.

A brief that we’ve clipped and are saving.

It seems a traffic judge in Little Rock’s district court by the name of Vic Fleming was in a fender-bender a coupla weeks ago. It was in the middle of the day, on a Monday, and he is said to have made a turn here, a turn there, and BAM!, he ran head-on into a Chevrolet Trailblazer driven by a Mr. Steve Manatt.

The judge wasn’t given a ticket.

A-ha! Now we’ve got him! Word is that he identified himself as a judge to the cop, too! Double a-ha!

Except . . . .

Except that this Judge Vic Fleming of Little Rock’s district court asked the cop to ticket him. Not after the accident came to light in the public prints, but right then and there. Mrs. Manatt, who was a passenger in the other car at the time, says the judge insisted on it. At the scene.

The cop gave the judge a verbal warning instead. Cops aren’t required to give tickets when they don’t think it’s appropriate. Except that His Honor (and his honor) told the officer to make sure to report his decision not to give him a citation to his superiors.

Sometimes public officeholders may be referred to as honorables in these less than formal editorial columns. And sometimes, as in the case of the Honorable Vic Fleming, the word isn’t just an honorific.

Editorial, Pages 19 on 12/20/2013