It’s beginning to look a lot like Kris-mas.

Meaning the Kardashians - kin to matriarch Kris Jenner - have released their annual Yuletide family Christmas “kard.” But much of the family, interestingly enough, is absent from the seasonal greeting that was unveiled at the end of the recent Keeping Up With the Kardashians: A Very Merry Christmas special on the E! network. (And they didn’t Photoshop members in, as in previous years.)

Rapper Kanye West, Kim’s baby daddy, was busy working (also known as feuding with Jimmy Kimmel on Twitter).

Sometime basketball player Lamar Odom, Khloe’s estranged husband, was busy not working (making headlines for being charged with driving under the influence, rapping about cheating on his wife, and the like).

Brother Rob Kardashian, struggling with his weight, opted not to be photographed (could he not use QuickTrim, the diet product his sisters have pitched?). And therefore Scott Disick, Kourtney’s baby daddy, dissed the occasion too.

Kris Jenner’s estranged husband Bruce Jenner was the only male in the family to make the cut and just barely (he’s relegated to a glass tube in the surrealist card. More on that momentarily).

No, wait - Mason, Kourtney’s 3-year-old son, also made the cut, and just barely. Originally, photographer David LaChapelle (no relation to and no sense of humor like comedian Dave Chappelle) didn’t want to include Mason or his 1-year-old sister Penelope because children weren’t part of his neon “pop culture apocalypse” vision … of a family Christmas card. Whoa, did the Kardashians just meet someone more self-absorbed than they are?

So who is in the card and how do they look? We’ll break it down from left to right.

Kim: Posing on a staircase in a less than merry black slitted evening gown (check out her post-baby bod; wait, where is her baby?) with a disengaged stare, she’s the focal point. The only thing bigger than her giant, uh, snow globes on display is a gold dollar sign behind her. The staircase she’s descending says “fame,” while a neon “THE END” hangs over her, and faded photos of her appear everywhere. Is Kim being called a greedy, materialistic soon-to be-has-been? If she is, her mother didn’t mind: “I loved working with David LaChapelle,” she told E! News. “It was amazing and it was so much fun!”

Kendall and Kylie: Perched on burnt tabloids, the younger Jenner sisters are posing to Kim’s right wearing similar black gowns (a comment on them following in their older sister’s footsteps?) and ridiculous hats. Kendall looks vacant, while Kylie looks vicious, giving scary side-eye.

Two seeing-eye Illuminati pyramids: The symbols suggest the family’s association with the supposed secret society of elites who control the planet. However, Kim recently put that to rest when she offered this clueless, misspelled tweet: “What is the illuminate? A religion? … A cult? Not into that sorry!”

North West: There’s an image of baby, a nod to Kim’s daughter, to the north (but not west) under a “Coming Soon” banner, like she’s a latest project and not a human being. Hmm.

Khloe and Mason: While her siblings are standing, Khloe’s sitting - positioned lowest of them all - on an abandoned car seat. It’s no jolly “Sleigh Ride.” Her nephew Mason slumps over the seat, looking bored, not that anyone can blame him. His life is a Keeping Up With the Kardashians marathon with no off button.

Kourtney: Standing, holding her daughter and staring off, Kourtney is just there in the background. Like always.

Kris: Seated on a counter, showing the most leg, wearing a headdress, with her arms in a victory pose and the words “money” and “fame” by her fists, Kris is the only one looking at the camera. She’s also the only one smiling.

Bruce: The former Olympian, looking long of hair and nothing like his former self, is stuck in a glass cashier tube, pushing to get out before he’s like all the dismembered mannequins decaying at the Kardashians’ feet.

Merry Kris-mas to all, and to all a good fright!

Keeping up with the email: [email protected] Spin Cycle is a weekly smirk at pop culture and a weekly segment on Little Rock’s KURB-FM, B98.5 at 7:30 a.m.Thursdays. Listen live and hear podcasts at b98.com.

Style, Pages 43 on 12/08/2013