Commercials fall flat

Saturday, December 7, 2013

I realize I’ve reached the impatient, silver-gray portion of my baby boomer existence when I no longer understand some commercials … either that or find them downright silly or inappropriate.

For instance, take that insipid Sprint commercial featuring accomplished actors James Earl Jones and Malcolm McDowell (please) on a bare stage, exchanging banter and insults using social-media gibberish that makes not an iota of sense, at least not to me.

Although I’m sure teenage girls must comprehend every OMG, LOL utterance.

I’m equally sure an agency of overly compensated Madison Avenue cashmere suits charged Sprint a zillion dollars or so for this odd idea geared toward those addicted to meaningless exchanges in cyberspace.

I’ll be fall-backwards-surprised if this commercial prompts any viewer to change to Sprint from Verizon or AT&T.

Then there’s that sexually tinged M&M commercial featuring two colors of that favorite candy attending an adult party where a female partier warns one little round chocolate candy that a certain voracious woman will “devour” her. The voluptuous abductor in a slinky red dress later grabs the hand of another M&M and leads him out the front door to who knows where. This commercial plays regularly in movie theaters.

M&M’s? Really? Call me a prude, but I don’t see such a suggestive approach as a kid-oriented or child-friendly commercial, much less appealing to adults.

As stated up top, I realize I’m now a gray-beard raised during the postwar years when things in our society-TV programs, commercials and acceptable language (to me)-were far more wholesome and appropriate. So take that into consideration while reading my thoughts in 2013.

Junior high coaching

I realize the 2013 football season mercifully is now Razorback history, hopefully never to be remotely close to repeated.

So I promise this will be my final postmortem of the Hog’s derailment disasters that have lingered across two seasons. And, as with fellow Razorback hopefuls, I anticipate bluer skies come next fall.

I couldn’t help but recall, in watching the final terrible 85 seconds of the LSU game, the wisdom of my junior high school coach Hulen Quattlebaum during my 14th year in Harrison. In teaching the simple and basic fundamentals of playing safety or cornerback, he continually drilled it into my head to never (as in never ever) let a receiver get past me. He also taught that, at the obviously appropriate moment in defending a pass play, to turn and locate the ball and, with determination, either deflect or intercept it.

I came to realize this was the most very elementary stuff in playing defensive football. And so when I read the understatement by head Razorback Coach Bret Bielema the other day, I naturally recalled those basic fundamentals from my days as a rank beginner.

“It is inexcusable there to give up a pass play at the end of the game that gave them the go-ahead touchdown,” Bielema was quoted as saying. “I mean, it’s just inexcusable. Some things we have to work on as coaches is to make sure we are getting our points across and obviously execute it out on the field.”

Say, perhaps Bielema might consider bringing my former junior high coach out of retirement. Just trying to be helpful.

For dog owners

As a dog lover, I’ve been interested in the latest news about the so-called circovirus, a potentially fatal virus circulating since its discovery among canines in some states.

The symptoms aren’t pleasant. If your dog suddenly becomes lethargic, depressed, stops eating and becomes obviously sick at, well, both ends of its food chain, it’s time to get Fido to the vet right away for an exam.

Some dogs in California apparently have contracted this highly contagious virus that stems from one found in swine and birds. The ailment also is suspected of circulating in Michigan and Ohio. They seem most likely to contract the circovirus from contact in kennels and at dog parks where they regularly socialize.

Word of this latest viral ailment reminds me of the often fatal parvovirus that began infecting pet dogs (especially puppies) in the early 1970s. Many symptoms from both diseases seem similar.

As of today, it’s not known how the circovirus mutated from pigs and fowl to dogs, or if humans and even cats might also be susceptible. There’s also no vaccine for circovirus, but early detection and treatment at the vet can help ease the symptoms and hopefully get a dog through the ordeal.

There’s much more online about the virus and its effects. Fortunately, no cases have been reported in our state as yet. But like my grandfather would say: Forewarned is forearmed, my dog-lovin’ friends, and act quickly if you see these signs.

Anatomical gifts

If you read last week’s column about donating one’s body to science in Arkansas, you can get application details by calling (501) 686-7019 or visiting neurobiology.uams.edu/anatomical-gift-program. I hear the public response has been favorable.

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Mike Masterson’s column appears regularly in the Arkansas Democrat-Gazette. Email him at [email protected]. Read his blog at mikemastersonsmessenger.com.

Editorial, Pages 17 on 12/07/2013