The Big Wedding

The Big Wedding 67 Cast: Robert De Niro, Katherine Heigl, Diane Keaton, Amanda Seyfried, Ben Barnes, Topher Grace, Susan Sarandon, Robin Williams, Ben Barnes, Christine Ebersole, David Rasche, Patricia Rae, Ana Ayora Director: Justin Zackham Rating: R for language, sexual content and brief nudity Running time: 90 minutes

It’s best not to use your brain when watching The Big Wedding.

It’s impossible to believe that the groom, Alejandro (Ben Barnes), and the bride, Missy (Amanda Seyfried), will have much of a future because neither of them can agree on the role of religion in their lives. She and her parents are devout Catholics; his family generally ignores religion. Her folks are also in legal trouble for financial chicanery, so their outward piety is a sure sign their offspring is probably a hypocrite as well.

If it’s difficult to logically accept the setup for The Big Wedding, it’s even harder to care. Despite having at least four Oscar-winners in the cast, there’s not a single likable or even interesting character on the screen. It’s not that writer-director Justin Zackham isn’t trying. Even though he has adapted the Swiss film Mon frere se marie, he seems to have constructed the film as if he had to meet every cliche possible in 90 minutes.

Alejandro, despite being born in Colombia, has been adopted by Americans Don and Ellie Griffin(Robert De Niro and Diane Keaton), who divorced soon after. Alejandro wants the two to pretend they’re still an item even though Don is living with a caterer named Bebe (Susan Sarandon). It seems his biological mother (Patricia Rae) is also a strict Catholic and might not approve of the Griffins living in sin.

Of course, the deception backfires, but the characters in The Big Wedding are all pretty dim despite the fact that Alejandro is a Harvard alumnus who sports a signifying sweatshirt. Viewers know about an unwanted pregnancy and another character’s quest to lose his virginity long before the rest of this lot can put two and two together.

Katherine Heigl and Topher Grace have roles in this film. Don’t bother trying to figure out their character names because you won’t remember them. Each role is so annoying that one wishes the ducks on the lake in front of Don’s house were playing the scene instead of the people.

Robin Williams barely appears as the priest who officiates the wedding. His manic energy is missing, and there isn’t anything worthwhile to replace it. Because The Big Wedding is set entirely around a limited location so that itwas probably quick and easy to shoot, it takes no effort to believe that he and others saw Zackham’s unimaginative and dull script as a way to make quick bucks for a shortened working schedule.

Zackham appears to be going for raunchy here, but neither his heart nor his mind is committed. Despite all the cursing or clumsy innuendo, there’s no sense of mischiefor glee. That’s probably because he can’t write a vulgar wisecrack to save his life and that his characters are so self-absorbed that one prays they all break up and spare the world the miserable children that such unions would create.

Zackham deserves additional scorn for perpetuating annoying stereotypes about Hispanics. The Latino characters in this film seem to have been transplanted from one made decades ago. When Missy worries about how her repellent parents might react to having “brown” grandchildren, one wonders why Alejandro doesn’t tell her to get lost. Remember, this is the couple we’re supposed to like.

The Big Wedding will punish viewers for thinking or expecting laughter or any kind of emotional connection with its characters. It’s the sort of movie where you needn’t worry about receiving a text message: Your neighbors will thank you for the distraction.