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Allergy season discharges rampant rash of remedies

And here I was thinking the 2013 allergy season would be anticlimactic. After all, I’ve been dealing with near-chronic allergy issues for more than a year. Caustic odors, dust, reality TV … you name it, starts me scream-sneezing, stops me up and greatly enriches the Kleenex sellers.

Several months ago, after more than a year of trying to tough things out with over-the-counter medicine, I finally crawled to the doctor to get a prescription. He kindly obliged. Those little white pills became my mainstay.

Until the Bradford pear trees started to bloom a few weeks ago. Then the prescription medicine abruptly turned tail and ran yelping, as did the four-hour nasal decongestant I’d turned to. To make matters worse, a thankfully short sinus infection blew in atop the allergy issues. For a couple of days, I went from doing a bad Darth Vader imitation to flat out mouth breathing. Then I found some surprising relief in some cheap green over-the-counter meds, along with 12-hour nasal decongestant.

Happy ending? Not so: The Stephen King stuff came along. The Stephen King stuff, which I’ve named after the horror meister’s books-turned-movies, is what I call the yellow-green pollen that gets all over everything and chokes the life out of it. More scrambling and juggling of remedies, which sometimes worked and sometimes didn’t.Right now, the allergies seem to have devolved into a multiple personality disorder case. I never know how I’ll be breathing from one hour to the next.

I can hear the question: “Have you tried a neti pot?” No, I haven’t yet convinced myself to use a neti pot. Firstly, I’m afraid it wouldn’t work anyway; secondly, I’m not desperate enough not to care about how I’d look watering my nose (“Poor nut-job lady. I’ll bet she goes out in the yard and squeezes nasal decongestant on her flowers.”)

For yet more remedies, I decided to check out “Sneezing and Wheezing Solutions: Surprising Ways to Relieve Spring Allergies,” an article by Alexandra Sifferlin at the Time Health & Family website (healthland.time.com).

The first suggestion is basically a warmed-over hair of the dog treatment. “ Researchers are encouraged by results from sublingual immunotherapy, in which drops of a concentrated allergen are placed under the tongue,” the suggestion goes. It has been found that this treatment reduced asthma and seasonal allergy symptoms in patients by as much as 40 percent. The downside: You have to go to Europe, Asia or South America because the Food and Drug Administration hasn’t approved the treatment here. Gee, thanks.

So (next suggestion) you can turn to herbs and supplements, such as butterbur, quercetin or vitamin C. Caveat: You just need to check with with the doc to make sure the herbs don’t clash with any official meds you’re taking. Well, if you’re like me, the meds and the supplements will simply hang out and socialize with each other and agree not to work.

Next suggestion: exercise, which seems to be a remedy for everything from depression to bad cooking. It helps the immune system, increases the circulation, helps the body get rid of gunk. It’s true that, at least during the workout, you’ll be able to breathe without sounding like an obscene caller. But you’d best work out indoors, rather than exercising outside and sucking in the pollen unprotected. Or you can always jog with your gas mask.

Ah, and here it comes: the suggestion to add more allergy-fighting foods to the diet. An allergy-fighting diet is high in antioxidants and Omega 3 fatty acids. In other words, eat Mediterranean diet-type stuff and apples and grapes and raspberries and red onions and probiotic-packing yogurt. And slurp green tea. All the foods that, except for some farmers market relief, are going to be the most expensive in the store, so save the money you blow on your useless allergy pills to buy them. And daydream about the day when the experts will find something that “moderate amounts” of pizza, doughnuts and cheap chips will cure.

The story concludes with saying acupuncture might help, but the jury is still out on that one. I figure that, if nothing else, the insertion of those little needles might provide a faster way to drain your body of all that mucus.

Meanwhile, which of these suggested remedies will I try? I’ve decided on the butterbur. I won’t take it. I’ll just amuse myself - and thereby forget all about my allergy troubles - by trying to say this word five times in quick succession.

I’m not allergic to e-mail: [email protected]

Style, Pages 51 on 04/21/2013

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