OTUS THE HEAD CAT

Little mayor that could engineers new quarry plan

North Little Rock Mayor Patrick Hays test rides a car at Funland Amusement Park. The Funland train will be moved to the Big Rock Quarry in the spring.
North Little Rock Mayor Patrick Hays test rides a car at Funland Amusement Park. The Funland train will be moved to the Big Rock Quarry in the spring.

— Dear Otus,

The Big Rock Quarry is one of the most beautiful assets in all of North Little Rock. What in the world are the mayor and city council thinking to propose condos and apartments in that pristine place?

  • Quinn Cunx, North Little Rock

Dear Quinn,

It was wholly a pleasure to hear from you and an additional pleasure to inform you that the mayor has come out of this latest brouhaha smelling like a rose.

Again.

Face it - nobody is a greater cheerleader for the city of North Little Rock than Mayor Patrick Hays. He has been the mayor over there since 1978 and nobody can question his many accomplishments.

Hays was primarily responsible for the building of Alltel (now Verizon) Arena. He was behind the relocation of the Travelers to the new ballpark on the river. He single-handedly established the Arkansas Inland Maritime Museum and arranged for the purchase of the submarine and the Pearl Harbor tugboat (it’s still on the way) and turned the downtown river walk from a bum-infested quagmire and haven fordrug gangs into an award-winning green space and tourist mecca.

Hays completely redesigned the Burns Park Soccer Complex (adding trails, lights and stadium). He put in a dog park. He got the Komen Race for the Cure to change its route to include North Little Rock so he could ride in a ladder truck basket.

Hays was directly responsible for the Great Compromise of 1990 that calmed a restive city and renamed the high school team the Charging Wildcats. He got the “No Tolerance” law passed for scofflaw speeders.

Hays built the Patrick Hays Senior Center and Bocce Ball Course and the Patrick Hays Daycare Center. He established the Savannah Lou RV and Water Theme Park across the river from the Clinton Library. He annexedthe Rosembaum natural gas field near I-430 to keep it from Maumelle, and he talked the Baptists into moving Baptist Health Medical Center to the east side of town.

He reopened the WWIIera tunnels beneath Burns Park for public use.

Granted, even with this stellar roster of accomplishments, Hays will admit he has stumbled on occasion in his zeal.

Last year, outraged citizenry arose to oppose Hays’ plans to turn Burns Park into a bloodbath for the resident Canada geese. The mayor quickly backtracked, but also coerced the concerned citizens to pony up half the cost of the goose-chasing dogs.

Today, Burns Park is goosepoop free.

Most recently, Hays (who retires at the end of the year) got egg on his face when it was discovered by an intrepid investigative reporter that he was in cahoots with the City Council and mayor designate Joe Smith to sell the city’s crown jewel for pennies on the dollar.

The Big Rock Quarry, a historic natural wonder and landmark, was to be sold to a shadowy conglomerate of developers who planned to construct “The Bluffs” - luxurytownhouses, two eight-story condos, 400 high-end apartments and a private marina.

Hays’ excuse was, “In my mind, this property is underused and the majority of people in our community aren’t able to enjoy the beauty of it.”

Just how making it the home of wealthy condo, apartment and boat ownerswould improve that situation is beyond me.

The community rallied in support of keeping it natural and Hays, ever the politician, responded. His solution is sheer genius, as usual.

A “green” landscaped parking lot will be constructed where the decaying North Little Rock FOP Lodge now stands at the end of River Road (the FOP will take over the seldom-used Burns Park Hospitality House). The parking will be for the relocated and refurbished Burns Park Funland Train, which will run in a loop 1.73 miles into the old quarry site and, thanks to the thick stand of pine trees, be largely invisible from the nearby River Trail.

In addition to the historic 1958 train, there will be individual kiddie cars that will “zoom” along the track at 3 mph. At $10 for all-day rides, the venture will pay for itself in three years.

Until next time, Kalaka reminds you the train stops for deer.

Disclaimer

Fayetteville-born Otus the Head Cat’s award-winning column of humorous fabrication appears every Saturday. E-mail:

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HomeStyle, Pages 40 on 09/01/2012

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